Sunday 19 September 2010

XKCD is a bad webcomic and it's forum is full of bad people

Myself and my poz buddy Daniel decide to trawl through the XKCD forums, taking the pictures of weirdos and then mock them over the internet. We have made terrible life decisions to reach this point, please do not imitate us

Scrublord says:
I will be the voice of reason here and say there are one or two women in that thread who are genuinly attractive. It's just a shame that they are also the ones who are posting their picture every other page and the same people go on about how pretty they are

Daniel says:
Well ok, but we aint posting this to leer at attractive women or even talk about people using a 'post your pic' forum thread to compliment women in the hope of sexual gratification. Could you imagine though if this type of behaviour was extrapolated out into real life?

Scrublord says:
There is nothing "real life" about anyone who posts on that forum. It's a bizzare mixture of internet memes, people thinking knowing maths makes them intelligent and the overpowering stench of people slowly dying alone

Daniel says:
Ugly, socially akward nerds walking up to women. Between pained gulps of air they whisper, 'Yo... You're pretty'

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Daniel says:
I'm willing to bet cash money that the thermos behind him is actually a product of the fleshlight corporation.

Scrublord says:
When you've just started puberty and growing facial hair we used to laugh at each other for having pube chin. That guy has long passed puberty

Daniel says:
'Hmmmm you know what would look stylish? If I shave my beard so it looks even more like my pubic regions'

Scrublord says:
"That will show the ladies that i have had the sexual encounter before!"

Daniel says:
That beard is a classic example of facial hair being used to give the illusion of 'a chin'. Classic fat guy strategy. Kevin Smith does it, Chris Moyles does it and, depending upon my self esteem, I do it.

Scrublord says:
The guy is looking so smug because he just won a bet that he couldn't take a picture of himself with something he wouldnt eat

Daniel says:
'No fuck you Dad! I told you there was something I wouldn't eat. You're as wrong about this as you are about my birth being a mistake!

Scrublord says:
He looks terrifying though, like a nerd overcompensating happiness because he doesn't really understand it

Daniel says:
When I hear people speak about serial killers this is the image that will spring to mind. Not pictured is the small child he has bound and gagged.

Scrublord says:
He's off to feed that small child, the high point of his day

Daniel says:
He looks like a giant

Scrublord says:
"If I could have feelings it would be for anime"

Daniel says:
Lets move on he's freaking me out

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Daniel says:
'John you've been a naughty boy you've let your face grow long'

Scrublord says:
A Young Bill Nighy, minus the talent and plus a mullet - I suppose it all evens out

Daniel says:
He looks like the type of guy who'd cast himself in the role of 'The Dude' in a Shakespearean production of The Big Lebrowski

Scrublord says:
Fuck you for bringing that up

Daniel says:
That's what came to my head man. I see this dude and I think, 'shitty jeff bridges' and one thing leads to another

Scrublord says:
"Forsooth, thine eyes doth look yonder at the jock who is about to shove thine arse into a locker"

Daniel says:
Zounds, away from thy company! Thy art a traitor to our science now that thou hast made the beast with two backs!

Scrublord says:
He looks like the kinda guy who would get bullied even after leaving school. Punching him in the stomach until he throws up will never stop being fun, I can just tell
Aw man, this picture was taken at an arcade - he probably just got the high score in Galaga or something and just needed to commemorate the moment
"I will strike this pose again once my online girlfriend finally caves in and has sex with me!"

Daniel says:
Arcades are dying. People like this guy are the reason. He keeps trying to strike up buisness but everytime he asks kids to come into his arcade the police are called out to beat the shit out of him.

Scrublord says:
That is one hell of a neck the guy has on him

Daniel says:
He uses his elongated neck to peek over the arcade units and check out any potential sex partners that may have entered the building. It seems strange that such a neck would evolve though since its pretty evident that only one other person ever visits the arcade

Scrublord says:
Maybe the arcade is Gotham City and he is the equivalent of Batman. That explains the pose, why one sleeve is rolled up but the other one isnt (faggot ass owner wont let me wear a cape. Is cool though, i can compensate)

Daniel says:
Eh, seems more like the type to style himself on Rorschach

Scrublord says:
I dunno, the last guy hit that note for me

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Daniel says:
Bigfoot does exist Mom! He's my maths teacher!
I bet this guys a really good teacher and a pretty cool person but the smell of his hair and beard makes it really tough to approach him and you feel realy guilty about it but jesus christ the stench!

Scrublord says:
I look at him and all i can think of is "wood elf" like he's gonna start singing about being kind to the trees of the forest

Daniel says:
Had you continued to let your hair and beard grow you could have been this guy

Scrublord says:
Just looking at him makes me wish for cancer so chemotherapy can make sure that can never happen. In my defence - I was young and stupid. What does he have?

Daniel says:
A degree in physics
Some people get so caught up in their work that they stop caring about physical appearance maybe that happened to this guy. He sat down one day to write a paper and looked up two months later to find his entier body had atrophied, his hair was a mess and his wife had left him

Scrublord says:
Why do I get the feeling Cheech and Chong are gonna bust in and try to smoke his shirt?

Daniel says:
This guy looks like Cheech and Chong's friend who went straight but the guys are determined to get him smoking again

Scrublord says:
That would be the entire movie - Cheech and Chong try to get a white dude to smoke weed again

Daniel says:
As much as I hate to admit this a lot of intelligent people do read XKCD because it acts as positive reinforcement for their chosen career. You got to uni and are told this will give you a good job but it doesnt so you turn to xkcd which does nothing but tell you how smart and better you are
I can sort of understand why people read xkcd and while I personally cant stand it, I dont really blame or dislike them for enjoying it since we all have dumb shit we like because it makes us feel better bout ourselves

Scrublord says:
What about the people who think they are intelligent solely because they read xkcd?

Daniel says:
Well yeah those people need to be taken to task (as does Munroe for his laziness and insecurity) but xkcd has a baffilingly large readership and we shouldnt tar them all with the same brush

Scrublord says:
Cool, lets get the disclaimer about not judging people out when we're in the middle of making fun of a bunch of them for no reason other than they post on a forum I dislike

Daniel says:
I'm just trying to understand why xkcd is so popular among such a wide range of people bro

Scrublord says:
How about we move on before we get sidetracked into liking these people?

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Daniel says:
His head is shaped like a pear and I like pears... will that do?

Scrublord says:
His smile looks reptilian

Daniel says:
So do his eyes. Is this man the basis for David Ikes 'reptiian theory'?

Scrublord says:
The photo does look like it's from a case study

Daniel says:
Above: photo of child born in the aftermath of Chernobyl (note how the lower jaw does not match the upper jaw?)
I dunno, if I had bad acne I wouldn't really go for a haircut that shows off as much of your forehead as you can

Daniel says:
Harlequin babies thing this kid is odd lookin'

Scrublord says:
I'm starting to feel sorry for him

Daniel says:
Hahaha, see!

Scrublord says:
Maybe xkcd is where all these weird looking smart dudes can just go and hang out and be friends with each other, since they are too weird looking to do it irl?
I bet he tries real hard to get along with everyone but people just ignore him so he posts his picture on the internet looking for any sort of gratification

Daniel says:
Yeah, like Munroe and the comic are really just incidental to it all, its really just a safe place for smart dudes to talk about stuff they like and I feel kinda bad for invading that safe place
that doesnt change the fact that this mutha fuckers head looks like a yam though

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Daniel says:
'Whoa hold up, this photos for the internet' *puts on eye patch, refuses to comb hair or smile*

Scrublord says:
I wonder if you'll feel bad for invading this guys safe place?

Daniel says:
It's impossible to be on the same plantet as this hefty gent and not invade his space. although i guess technically he's invading yours

Scrublord says:
Type 2 diabetes took his eye, it's just a coincedence he looks like Big Boss with it on - the Biggest Boss

Daniel says:
'Para medic, do you think I can eat this?'
'Boss no it's toxic'
'Uh oh...'

Scrublord says:
"That man is covered in bees! Think of all the honey!"

Daniel says:
He got to the scene where you have to climb the ladder and said 'fuck it'

Scrublord says:
A sneaking mission!? I thought you said snacking! You tricked meeeeeeeeeeee

Daniel says:
Snake here got his codename cos of the way he'll unhinge his jaw to devour a whole cow
What posessed this man to take the photo and think, 'yep this is a good representation of me and what I'm about?'

Scrublord says:
Maybe it's just a wacky picture?

Daniel says:
Yeah cos this guy looks like the personification of wackiness

Scrublord says:
Well alright I dont think this guy has ever heard a joke in his entire life, but maybe he's making the effort? I mean, isn't that what xkcd is all about? Making an effort to be something you're not?

Daniel says:
He should make the effort to not be a fat ass

Scrublord says:
Nobody has that much effort

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Daniel says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA COMEDY!
There is nothing to say about this picture, it speaks for itself. Next one

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Scrublord says:
Fuck me

Daniel says:
Goddamn

Scrublord says:
I'm starting to think xkcd is where rapists gather to chill in between their day job (rape)

Daniel says:
This guy looks like a mad rapist but its hard to imagine him overpowering anyone. The intent is there but the ability isnt

Scrublord says:
How long is his fucking hair? This isn't Rapunzel you faggot

Daniel says:
Please Paul, please dont place this obvious asexual into the simple black and white binary of sexual politics.
That was a mess of a sentance (it was inspired by his hair)

Scrublord says:
The only sexual politics this guy is a part of is whether or not chemical castration should be mandatory

Daniel says:
Why?! Why would you post this on the internet as a putting a face to your posts?!

Scrublord says:
The worst part of this picture is that its taken outside. That means he has been outside in his life at least once, and maybe on other occasions too. Somebody should have seen him in one of these situations but the authorities were not informed. I'd just feel a whole lot safer if this man was under house arrest for being in a constant state of looking like hes gonna rape everyone

Daniel says:
Alan Moore is this man's style icon
There should be some sort of outreach programme where Kanye West helps guys like this get their fashion sense kicked into shape

Scrublord says:
This guy would have nothing to do with Kanye West after he STOLE FROM DAFT PUNK
Actually, he'd probably be more upset about Kanye punking a then underage Taylor Swift at last years VMA
Besides, at this point I'd much rather watch 50 Cent trying to restyle this guy

Daniel says:
Pretend I posted that gif of 50 Cent shaking his head and driving away

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Daniel says:
Hahahaha
Thats being used as my desktop wallpaper

Scrublord says:
How fucking rad is this kid?

Daniel says:
This kid owns, he's totally in on the joke and doesnt give a fuck about anything

Scrublord says:
This goes against all your complaints of "Why would this dude use this picture as his representation online" since the dude clearly understands the original picture was lacking, so he phtoshopped himself INTO SPACE

Daniel says:
Why wouldn't you use this pic? I'm gonna start using it
Not just space though, he photoshopped himself into space from a SNES game

Scrublord says:
This kid is literally the light at the end of the tunnel. When you die you come out the other side of the light and this kid is here and he's all "Sup, welcome to space"

Daniel says:
You come close to the light and he has his back turned to you then he slowly turns to face you, 'Heh welcome to space.'

Scrublord says:
"Is...is that you God?"
"Heh, there is no God!"
*cool kid flies away, a meteor hurtles towards him but its not a meteor its some shades and he puts them on*

Daniel says:
We cant see his lower body but its safe to assume he's on a solid gold motorcycle

Scrublord says:
A supermodel is also on the motorcycle and is also currently sucking his dick but he gives no fucks about earthly pleasures - this little nigga all about space pleasures
He's going through space to find an alien so bonerlicious not even God will fuck it, and then he's gonna fuck the alien

Daniel says:
He's the best I totally love this kid

Scrublord says:
This kid is my new hero, fuck you brave people who gave their lives in Iraq! When the fuck were you in space?

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Daniel says:
If Space Kid is God then this guy is the Devil

Scrublord says:
Why do people see fedoras and think "Yes, this is the thing that will complete my look"?

Daniel says:
Maybe they're really enamoured with Vampire HunterD and while I can totally get behind wanting to look more like an anime, come the fuck on!

Scrublord says:
He's even got it at a jaunty angle, I bet the fucker did it intentionally

Daniel says:
If you're a white guy in a fedora then there's a pretty good chance that we'll have nothing to talk about. I mean yeah we'll probably share similar interests but I simply wont be able to pay attention to any of your views

Scrublord says:
Is that racist?

Daniel says:
I dont think so but I dont care if it is. Look at that fuckin guy

Scrublord says:
Imagine going to a bar, having a nice drink and this guy comes over and tries to make conversation

Daniel says:
Worse, imagine watching horrified as he heads to the jukebox. Dream Theatre. I fucking promise you it'd be Dream Theatre or Muse

Scrublord says:
Bit of Radiohead?

Daniel says:
Hm I dunno, not technical enough for him

Scrublord says:
Mars Volta then, or Coheed and Cambria?

Daniel says:
Yeah they'd both be in the most played section of his ipod
He'd probs corner you at a party and talk in painful detail about the intricacies of the coheed and cambria comic book

Scrublord says:
I hate this guy
I also want to point out that if Space Kid was going towards the jukebox he'd put Holy Diver on and the song would slowly get louder as it plays

Daniel says:
I wanna hang out with Space Kid more than anything in the worlds

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Scrublord says:
The only way they could get both the guy in front and the girl into the picture while fulfilling the requirements of his restraining order was to have that dude in the middle

Daniel says:
The guy in the middle looks like he's passing a ham through his left ventricle
All that denim could provide housing for everyone in the third world

Scrublord says:
Why do so many of these people have long hair and shitty beards?

Daniel says:
Haha I know, what the fuck? *looks in mirror... sweat drop*

Scrublord says:
I'm not being hypocritical because my beard is shitty out of laziness, but they put effort into getting their beards this bad

Daniel says:
Someone just put 'I am the walrus' on and everyone scrambled for this photo op

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Daniel says:
Whoa

Scrublord says:
That is one unfortunate looking motherfucker

Daniel says:
I'm all for dismantling the gender binary but jesus, too much too soon!
His faith in science is understandable. I'd have a hard time placing faith in a God if I looked like that

Scrublord says:
What the fuck is wrong with his hair? His parting is like the red sea

Daniel says:
His hair, now hold on Paul I'm not so sure thats a he. I mean I think it is but I can't be sure
To start going bald directly in the centre of your head... what kind of God would allow that? I'm starting to worry that maybe he's going through chemo or something and our laughing at him is just terrible

Scrublord says:
I really hope the cancer kills him

Daniel says:
He probably looks in the mirror and thinks the same thing
You could use this picture in a paper about holocaust victims and nobody would call you out for it.

Scrublord says:
I cant get over his hair - how can you have long hair and then never wash it? And he is easily the palest person I've seen on the internet

Daniel says:
He's clearly outside yet he's so fucking pale. What, does he only go out durring an eclipse or something?
There are people who believe aliens are secretly working on a human alien hybrid. It's called the starchild theory. This man is the starchild, nothing else to it. This man is proof possitive that aliens have been all up in our junk

Scrublord says:
It's a shame this kid is the starchild and not Space Kid from before

Daniel says:
Maybe someone shaved down the centre of his head while he was sleeping - possibly aliens, I dont wanna rule that out
Homie look like the librarian ghost from the first Ghostbuster movie

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