Saturday 16 April 2011

Hope you guys like Nerdcore!

Once again myself and my esteemed colleague and sometimes heroin user Daniel Hopper (D_Hoppers_Ghost on twitter) make fun of pictures because we are empty husks in the image of humans

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Daniel Hopper: Nazis. I hate these guys.

Paul Hardy: A rare picture of Margaret Thatcher on her prom night

Daniel Hopper: This is where I have major problems with steampunk people. I
really think a large number of them use it as an excuse to dress like Nazis.
They can't openly display their love of Nazis but if they say it's steam punk
they'll be fine

Paul Hardy: Well there' not much steam related equipment on here so yeah, it's
just a nazi costume

Daniel Hopper: A branch of the Gestapo whose sole purpose is to find out who
ate the last of the chocolate eclairs.

Daniel Hopper: Corruption was clearly rife

Paul Hardy: I like how she isnt even wearing an eyepatch, but just stole a
bicycle bell off some poor kid and tied it over her eye

Daniel Hopper: If your steampunk persona (steamsona?) could affors such
elaborate eye patches, why couldnt they afford a decent false eye?

Paul Hardy: Wouldnt a steam powered eyepatch be a really backwards way of
handling you losing an eye anyways?

Daniel Hopper: Everything about steam punk is backwards

Paul Hardy: Where does the punk part of steampunk even come in?

Daniel Hopper: They're all really big Rancid fans.

Daniel Hopper: She's an adult woman and she's dressed like this. What the fuck
is up with the world we live in?

Paul Hardy: I refuse to believe she is an adult. If she sperged out and killed
someone she would not be tried as an adult

Daniel Hopper: What blows my mind is that a company watermarked this.

Paul Hardy: If the company sue us for using their picture without permission
I'm fairly sure I wont be tried as an adult either

Daniel Hopper: 'Thats a real nice psuedo-nazi photo steve, you worried about
thieves hosting it on the sites?'
'Not really Chris, i've got a few tricks up my sleeve'

Daniel Hopper: If she had been a Nazi a load of Jews could have escaped
opression by handing over their papers with a doughnut on top of them. She
nervously eyes the doughnut and then back at the people waiting to board the
train before snatching it away. 'Let these people on the train, they are not
Jewish'

Daniel Hopper: World War II Would have been totally different

Daniel Hopper: Schindler's Waist.

Paul Hardy: If only Mengele experimented with steam! The lives that would have
been saved, for the betterment of mankind!

Daniel Hopper: 'Ok, time to experiment on zee small Jewish ChildrACHTUNG!
MIENEN AUGEN! BLINDED BY MINE STEAM POWERED SPECTACLES! We must shut down
Auschwitz, our dreams for a Steampowered Reich have failed. Contact Chruchill,
tell him ve surrender'

Paul Hardy: A few years later America drops the first steam bomb onto Japan,
who in response dont make anime and instead focus entirely on steampunk
related items

Paul Hardy: what kind of horrible world have you created?

Daniel Hopper: The horror... the horror


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Daniel Hopper: Ok Mom, don't take my photo until I'm firmly in my pose with my eyes shut!

Paul Hardy: Yes Mom, I do need to wear parachute pants to align my chi!

Daniel Hopper: What's the Western equivalent of this dude? I mean people from outside the West aren't so obsessed with our shitty culture that they totally immerse themselves in it. The closest we have is the Iraqis who shouted 'Mickey Mouse America number one' in the hopes it would prevent American troops from murdering their children.

Daniel Hopper: I'd love to see this guy in Japan. Awkwardly shuffling up to every Japanese woman he says and expecting them to fall all over him like in one of his animes.

Daniel Hopper: Fun fact, this was part of a collection titled 'Urban Samurai'

Paul Hardy: More like Keith Urban Samurai

Daniel Hopper: I'd be amiss if I didn't explain that this image came from a google image search for Nerdcore. Most the pictures returned we're of semi-naked women with strategically placed games controllers and they all came from gaming forums.

Daniel Hopper: Fucking gamers man

Paul Hardy: For every one of those pictures that exist there are hundreds of nerds who jerk off to them. They probably have a folder full of them, categorized by age of console

Daniel Hopper: http://www.destructoid.com/nerdcore-2-more-video-game-ladies-uncovered-25556.phtml#comments

Daniel Hopper: 'How can we objectify women more than we already do?'
'Have them hold a bunch of gaming related objects?'
'Post it!'

Paul Hardy: This is the least erotic thing ever

Daniel Hopper: It's really annoying me. I bet everyone of the people commenting on the photos would argue that it's empowering to women.

Paul Hardy: It's a bunch of semi naked women and I'm a huge stupid nerd who likes video games but this is just pointless. It paints nerds who play video games as stupid invalids who can only pop their disgusting boners if video games are involved

Daniel Hopper: Nerds are always, incorrectly, saying women don't play games. Women do play games its just what the nerds mean is 'attractive women don't play games with me and also have sex with me'

Paul Hardy: what other reason do nerds have to play video games with women if they dont have sex at the end?

Paul Hardy: Awww man, I bet there are a load of people who actually believe that sentiment

Daniel Hopper: Yeah, every gamer on the planet.


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Daniel Hopper: And while we're talking about nerds, here's MC Frontalot who's definition of nerd seems to be 'office worker'

Paul Hardy: PICTURED - a guy who fronts a lot

Paul Hardy: That shirt just screams "works the checkout at mcdonalds"

Paul Hardy: "If I wasn'tso busy with my rap game I would totally be store manager at this point!"

Daniel Hopper: He just looks uncomfortable. As if he's constantly being goatsed for the first time.

Daniel Hopper: The device on his head tells him when there's a sexhaver near by allowing him to avoid tricky conversations with people who have actually had sex. MC Frontalot: Proving that sexual fustration doesn't always lead to good music.

Paul Hardy: I imagine he'd be the kind of guy who would love to see women covering up their bits with video game shit

Paul Hardy: "I don't know which one I'd play with first! THIS HAS GIVEN ME INSPIRATION FOR A NEW SONG"

Daniel Hopper: 'I'm pushing her buttons like a video game joystick/but she aint aroused, it's making her sick. I try putting it in like a 32X but she's knocking me back, I aint having no sex'

Paul Hardy: "Trying to get her all naked but she's happy with just talking / Down Right Fierce in my pants girl I hit you with my Hadoken"

Paul Hardy: I hate writing fake nerdcore lyrics because I always feel like they are too close to being real nerdcore lyrics and some idiot has made it already and I'm basically ghost writing actual nerdcore songs


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Daniel Hopper: Photo taken before both parties went missing. Police suspect murder suicide

Paul Hardy: "Hey kid, here is a fun game to play! When your Mommy takes the picture I want us to switch facial expressions!"

Daniel Hopper: He looks sheepish because he knows he's not meant to be so close to child

Daniel Hopper: Why would anyone fashion their facial hair into such a shameful arrangement? I want to assume that it just grows like that. The thought of anyone even thinking about shaving their beard in this way and then doing it makes my head hurt

Paul Hardy: I'm sorry but nobodies beard grows that way. Time and effort has gone into that beard to groom it that way

Daniel Hopper: nooooooooooooo

Daniel Hopper: Maybe that's a good thing. Fuck knows what he'd do with his time otherwise

Paul Hardy: From the looks of it the guy in the white shirt in the background has saw whats happening and is off to the nearest payphone to call the police

Daniel Hopper: The look on his face say's 'No Bill. No, You have to speak out about this. He's gotten away with it too many times.'

Daniel Hopper: I can only assume that he brought that child as his date.

Paul Hardy: I thought the kid was wearing a tiara at first

Daniel Hopper: STOP CONFINING PEOPLE IN THE GENDER BINARY GEEZ!

Paul Hardy: Stuck in gender binary. Can't get out. Please send help

Daniel Hopper: Man with strange beard has trapped me here. I miss my mom.

Paul Hardy: You can just tell the guy is doing everything in his power not to suddenly burst into pulling the stupid fucking :AWESOME: face for the picture

Daniel Hopper: What a fuck.


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Daniel Hopper: Cool dog collar bro... Just, one thing... I don't think its actually meant to be a literal dog collar

Daniel Hopper: This guy is proud of his fetish. Could be that it's just run of the mill S&M but let's face it, he's probably a furry

Daniel Hopper: How do I... *looks in morror* OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paul Hardy: Does that dog collar say Ruffles or Riffles?

Daniel Hopper: Does it matter?

Paul Hardy: Well Raffles is the gentleman thug and Roffles is stupid shit for idiots, Ruffles would be an acceptable dogs name but Riffles means literally nothing

Daniel Hopper: I bet it's his fursona!

Paul Hardy: You really cant get past that collar, can you?

Daniel Hopper: He looks like a guy I used to hang around with except he was a really cool dude

Paul Hardy: I bet this guy is a fuckmaster. He goes to bars and clubs in a fucking suit all pimp as fuck and suave as shit. He picks up women, goes back to their place and fucks them. Next morning he's gone, and all that is left of his presence is this picture

Daniel Hopper: I know for a fact that isn't the case, want to know how?

Paul Hardy: Is it the dog collar?

Daniel Hopper: Nope, I found this picture on the Ctrl Alt Del forums


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Paul Hardy: Juggalo

Daniel Hopper: You get a tattoo like that and you're pretty much saying 'Fuck you dad, I aint ever gonna have a career'

Daniel Hopper: Does he really need to qualify that he's a psycho and a lunatic? Isn't one enough?

Paul Hardy: It gives him a choice! He'll wake up, look in the mirror and think "Hmmm, today I feel like Psycho" and only have one sleeve rolled up for the rest of the day

Daniel Hopper: I have this image of him pulling up at the drive thru window at McDonalds and smugly placing his arm on the window of his car expecting the staff to be intimidated.

Daniel Hopper: 'Heh, this tattoo will get me loads of free burgers... but wait, what if I'm in Europe, they drive on the wrong side of the road there. Better get Lunatic on the other arm just in case'

Paul Hardy: "Last time I was there I asked for 8 piece chicken nuggets, the guy only gave me 7 and forgot to ask me what sauce I wanted" *looks at tattoos* "Never again..."

Daniel Hopper: 'You see this tattoo!? Does it suggest that I'm the type of guy who's willing to wait for the McRib to return?!'

Paul Hardy: "I invented the Double Down, you know? Don't believe me? Heh, what do my tattoos say?"

Daniel Hopper: Double Down is the name of his signature back door wrestling league finisher and his gimmick is that he's always unhappy with the service in fast food restaurants

Paul Hardy: He is the modern day stone cold steve austin, except this guy has never beat his wife, although he's a psycho lunatic so if she doesnt get enough napkins you know he is totally capable of doing it

Daniel Hopper: STOP CRYING! YOU SAW THE TATS, YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE SIGNING UP FOR!

Paul Hardy: You think maybe he puts his arms up the other way so it says Lunatic Psycho which is a lot less intimidating?

Daniel Hopper: He's one of the boss characters in Streets of Rage

Paul Hardy: The level he's the boss of is a Mcdonalds

Paul Hardy: "You can't wreck the place and beat up the staff! That's what I'm here for!"


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Daniel Hopper: Death to the West

Paul Hardy: Even the tattoo looks like it doesnt want to be there

Daniel Hopper: Yeah I want a tattoo of Pee Wee but I want it to depict the time he was caught jerking it in a theatre.

Daniel Hopper: I love the way the shaved hair frames it. Presenting it as some sort of religious shrine

Paul Hardy: Maybe the look is because he knows all that hair is coming back soon

Daniel Hopper: His totally black eyes are creeping me out

Paul Hardy: You know someone will look at this tattoo and say "Oh yeah! Tony Hale! That guy is hilarious!"

Paul Hardy: Would it be better or worse if he didnt ink in the hair, but instead let it just grow naturally?

Daniel Hopper: Everything about this is bad but here this guy us showing it off to the world like a college diploma

Paul Hardy: I dunno, after you do something like tattoo peewee herman onto your arm it just shows that you have the least amount of fucks to give about anything

Daniel Hopper: How can I show the world that literally nothing matters *tattoos pee wee herman onto arm*

Paul Hardy: This is nihilism.jpg

Daniel Hopper: I can only sit back and approve of this and all it represents

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