I just want to point out the recap for this episode was mainly from the first episode. Way to say that nothing happened in the second episode, even though more happened in the last episode than most of season 1!
"Let's be honest, Gary is a fuck machine" says Sophie to start the episode and my brain groans in agony. Gary is getting the blame for this, but Jay actually apologises to him. "There's no point in friends falling out over a girl" Jay explains "It's like bros before hos" Urrrrrrgh
The two of them make up and Gary is happy that "We can argue one minute and the next we've already made up" I'm in two minds over this. On the one hand, it's actually pretty good that their friendship means so much to them. On the other, the first actually good cliffhanger the show has ever had is made redundant less than a minute into the next episode
Their boss comes in the next morning and tells Gary and James they are working at an 18th birthday party that night. Wait, if they are doing a mobile spray tan as a job this season then what kind of shitty 18th birthday party is that? Everyone else is working "The Party Limo" and once again Vicki is unhappy about the skimpy uniform "I don't want the limo to be swerving everywhere and my arse is flying around" she says "My arse is bad for business" It's a party limo not a fucking Bourne movie sweetheart
Later, Vicky and Ricci talk a walk on the Quayside to try and sort themselves out. You don't need me to tell you it drags out too long and nothing really gets done. "When I had her spooning me in bed then her boyfriend should just get a taxi" Ricci says, the classy gent that he is. That night Vicki calls her boyfriend to try and have a meal with him, but he's working. Oh no!
Everyone else is getting ready and James is feeling confidant "I have the power of the combover!" he says. Somewhere, Bobby Charlton is smiling and nodding. The party limo somehow becomes a bus which isn't great. As someone who has partied on every bus I've been on, it is kind of overrated. "I'm the hostess with the mostest" says Vicki, taking over Charlotte's role of annoying person who says stupid shit "I have the skills to make you ills" Your grasp of the english language is enough to make me ills
Gary and James hit the 18th birthday party and AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! The two of them come up with a plan, and Gary makes it his mission to get James laid tonight. Somehow everyone goes from their uniforms at work to their night clothes and they are all back together in a club somewhere. Huh?
Rebecca does something not totally self centered and gets one of her friends with James. She then comforts Holly who isn't too happy about it. "I'm doing her a favour" Rebecca says "When he starts banging, she'll be right in his firing line" If he was going through a massive dry streak and wasn't banging Holly, what chance does she have when he is getting it? There's a bit of trouble but things seem to be going well for him
When they all get back to the house, Gary tells Jay that James should get the fuck hut. Jay then takes Rebecca into the fuck hut before James and his girl make it back. James takes her upstairs, but Rebecca has no intention of having sex with Jay tonight. They go back to the house, Ricci calls her a slut which she obviously finds offensive. Jay then plays peacekepper by saying "I wish you were a slut!" She goes ballistic at this. Then Holly starts sulking because James is having sex with a woman who isn't Holly "I put it on a plate for him!" she says, while using props. We fucking get it!
Gary tries talking to Vicki and she is short with him, since she still blames him for Charlotte leaving. He replies that at least he and Charlotte were single, which stops the argument before it really starts. James is getting ready for the moment of truth, but then everything starts off downstairs which puts the girl off. First of all, Vicki asks Holly if she's wrong for the cheating thing, but then says "No, you're the wrong person for this talk" which sends Holly off. Vicki accuses Holly of being Gary's best friend because ??? while Gary just sits back and watches it all happen
Vicki, after having an argument about cheating, then gets back into bed with Ricci. He even admits he's not even trying anymore since she's making it that easy for him. The night ends with James fucking the woman, so at least someone has a happy ending
The next morning everyone has a little soundbite congratulating James for banging a worldie. Everyone even agrees that she was a worldie. Whenever Gary or Jay pull someone they go on about how she is a dirty looking mutt, but not this time. Everyone except Holly, that is, who looks like she's going to cry. Vicki then whines about feeling depressed because of the guilt. WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T CHEAT ON YOUR BOYFRIEND
Jay and Rebecca go out to spray tan people "I love spray tanning" says Jay "Especially if it's a bird in a bikini. You can't complain, can you?" I guess he can complain then. Rebecca says she's unsure if he wants to just have sex with Jay "I am one classy bird!" she exclaims, contrary to the evidence. Vicki and Holly go out to buy presents, since it's Sophie's birthday tomorrow, and they patch up the argument from last night. "Abstinance does not make the heart grow fonder, I don't know who came up with that" says Vicki. NOBODY DID YOU FUCKING IDIOT
Back at the house, the four guys are having a quiet drink celebrating James finally getting his bone on. Then this square jawed adonis walks into the house. He's Dan, Vicki's boyfriend! Of course, she's still out with Holly so it ends up like this with nobody saying anything
"I wonder what face Vicki will have when she finds out Dan is here" Rebecca ponders "One face or another, they're both fucking shit anyway" Vicki and Holly return and Jay tells them nothing is going on. Why!? Why, when he knows how awkward it is, would he not tell her that her boyfriend is here? "She's going to have a meltdown and I'm going to be in the front row watching" he explains. Nothing really happens though, she sees him and they hug. What was the fucking point then?
"I feel fine about it" says Ricci, despite the fact Vicki is all over her boyfriend "He's no competition, I'm not threatened by him at all" I don't think this is how it works. He follows this up by talking to him alone, telling him what a good girl Vicki has been and how he has nothing to worry about. Ricci, you sly boots! They all go out, and Ricci hovers around Vicki and Dan all night, then gets drunk and asks Vicki to choose between her boyfriend and him. "She's going to her boyfriend and kissing him, then going to Ricci and winking at him. Who does she think she is, me!?" Gary asks
Vicki then tells her boyfriend what she's done, but downplays it to just flirting with Ricci. Then she says she does it with everyone. He doesn't see this as a problem, since he knew what she was like. Back at the house - Vicki and her boyfriend go to bed, Ricci and Gary bring two girls back and also...uhhh....what? Gary is playing it cool with his girl and making progress, but Ricci is too forward and ruins it for them. Outside, a carton of milk falls of Becca's head and hits her in the face. Vicki bangs her boyfriend, then Ricci mopes outside
Next morning, Vicki's boyfriend leaves and nobody is happy because Vicki is straight up cheating. "You can't have your cake and eat it too" says Rebecca. For her birthday, Sophie gets hair extensions, her teeth whitened, her nails done and botox in her lips for her boyfriend coming tonight. She calls him to invite him up and his reaction is not what was expected. He's unhappy that she waited until the last possible minute to sort this out, which isn't totally uncalled for. He just goes about this in a such an aggressive way that she starts crying. Way to go, fuckhead
They all go out to cheer Sophie up, and James harrasses a drunk guy. Back at the house, Holly is drunk and calls herself a fat tellytubby. That isn't fair, since I'm sure there's a fetish for people who want to fuck tellytubbies. Vicki then gets into bed with Ricci, because why face your problems when you can just let them continue? Holly is still hassling everyone so James tells her if she falls asleep he'll shag her in the morning. She then falls asleep. Jesus Christ I hate this show
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