Hope you guys like Nerdcore!

Once again myself and my esteemed colleague and sometimes heroin user Daniel Hopper (D_Hoppers_Ghost on twitter) make fun of pictures because we are empty husks in the image of humans



Daniel Hopper: Nazis. I hate these guys.

Paul Hardy: A rare picture of Margaret Thatcher on her prom night

Daniel Hopper: This is where I have major problems with steampunk people. I
really think a large number of them use it as an excuse to dress like Nazis.
They can't openly display their love of Nazis but if they say it's steam punk
they'll be fine

Paul Hardy: Well there' not much steam related equipment on here so yeah, it's
just a nazi costume

Daniel Hopper: A branch of the Gestapo whose sole purpose is to find out who
ate the last of the chocolate eclairs.

Daniel Hopper: Corruption was clearly rife

Paul Hardy: I like how she isnt even wearing an eyepatch, but just stole a
bicycle bell off some poor kid and tied it over her eye

Daniel Hopper: If your steampunk persona (steamsona?) could affors such
elaborate eye patches, why couldnt they afford a decent false eye?

Paul Hardy: Wouldnt a steam powered eyepatch be a really backwards way of
handling you losing an eye anyways?

Daniel Hopper: Everything about steam punk is backwards

Paul Hardy: Where does the punk part of steampunk even come in?

Daniel Hopper: They're all really big Rancid fans.

Daniel Hopper: She's an adult woman and she's dressed like this. What the fuck
is up with the world we live in?

Paul Hardy: I refuse to believe she is an adult. If she sperged out and killed
someone she would not be tried as an adult

Daniel Hopper: What blows my mind is that a company watermarked this.

Paul Hardy: If the company sue us for using their picture without permission
I'm fairly sure I wont be tried as an adult either

Daniel Hopper: 'Thats a real nice psuedo-nazi photo steve, you worried about
thieves hosting it on the sites?'
'Not really Chris, i've got a few tricks up my sleeve'

Daniel Hopper: If she had been a Nazi a load of Jews could have escaped
opression by handing over their papers with a doughnut on top of them. She
nervously eyes the doughnut and then back at the people waiting to board the
train before snatching it away. 'Let these people on the train, they are not
Jewish'

Daniel Hopper: World War II Would have been totally different

Daniel Hopper: Schindler's Waist.

Paul Hardy: If only Mengele experimented with steam! The lives that would have
been saved, for the betterment of mankind!

Daniel Hopper: 'Ok, time to experiment on zee small Jewish ChildrACHTUNG!
MIENEN AUGEN! BLINDED BY MINE STEAM POWERED SPECTACLES! We must shut down
Auschwitz, our dreams for a Steampowered Reich have failed. Contact Chruchill,
tell him ve surrender'

Paul Hardy: A few years later America drops the first steam bomb onto Japan,
who in response dont make anime and instead focus entirely on steampunk
related items

Paul Hardy: what kind of horrible world have you created?

Daniel Hopper: The horror... the horror




Daniel Hopper: Ok Mom, don't take my photo until I'm firmly in my pose with my eyes shut!

Paul Hardy: Yes Mom, I do need to wear parachute pants to align my chi!

Daniel Hopper: What's the Western equivalent of this dude? I mean people from outside the West aren't so obsessed with our shitty culture that they totally immerse themselves in it. The closest we have is the Iraqis who shouted 'Mickey Mouse America number one' in the hopes it would prevent American troops from murdering their children.

Daniel Hopper: I'd love to see this guy in Japan. Awkwardly shuffling up to every Japanese woman he says and expecting them to fall all over him like in one of his animes.

Daniel Hopper: Fun fact, this was part of a collection titled 'Urban Samurai'

Paul Hardy: More like Keith Urban Samurai

Daniel Hopper: I'd be amiss if I didn't explain that this image came from a google image search for Nerdcore. Most the pictures returned we're of semi-naked women with strategically placed games controllers and they all came from gaming forums.

Daniel Hopper: Fucking gamers man

Paul Hardy: For every one of those pictures that exist there are hundreds of nerds who jerk off to them. They probably have a folder full of them, categorized by age of console

Daniel Hopper: http://www.destructoid.com/nerdcore-2-more-video-game-ladies-uncovered-25556.phtml#comments

Daniel Hopper: 'How can we objectify women more than we already do?'
'Have them hold a bunch of gaming related objects?'
'Post it!'

Paul Hardy: This is the least erotic thing ever

Daniel Hopper: It's really annoying me. I bet everyone of the people commenting on the photos would argue that it's empowering to women.

Paul Hardy: It's a bunch of semi naked women and I'm a huge stupid nerd who likes video games but this is just pointless. It paints nerds who play video games as stupid invalids who can only pop their disgusting boners if video games are involved

Daniel Hopper: Nerds are always, incorrectly, saying women don't play games. Women do play games its just what the nerds mean is 'attractive women don't play games with me and also have sex with me'

Paul Hardy: what other reason do nerds have to play video games with women if they dont have sex at the end?

Paul Hardy: Awww man, I bet there are a load of people who actually believe that sentiment

Daniel Hopper: Yeah, every gamer on the planet.




Daniel Hopper: And while we're talking about nerds, here's MC Frontalot who's definition of nerd seems to be 'office worker'

Paul Hardy: PICTURED - a guy who fronts a lot

Paul Hardy: That shirt just screams "works the checkout at mcdonalds"

Paul Hardy: "If I wasn'tso busy with my rap game I would totally be store manager at this point!"

Daniel Hopper: He just looks uncomfortable. As if he's constantly being goatsed for the first time.

Daniel Hopper: The device on his head tells him when there's a sexhaver near by allowing him to avoid tricky conversations with people who have actually had sex. MC Frontalot: Proving that sexual fustration doesn't always lead to good music.

Paul Hardy: I imagine he'd be the kind of guy who would love to see women covering up their bits with video game shit

Paul Hardy: "I don't know which one I'd play with first! THIS HAS GIVEN ME INSPIRATION FOR A NEW SONG"

Daniel Hopper: 'I'm pushing her buttons like a video game joystick/but she aint aroused, it's making her sick. I try putting it in like a 32X but she's knocking me back, I aint having no sex'

Paul Hardy: "Trying to get her all naked but she's happy with just talking / Down Right Fierce in my pants girl I hit you with my Hadoken"

Paul Hardy: I hate writing fake nerdcore lyrics because I always feel like they are too close to being real nerdcore lyrics and some idiot has made it already and I'm basically ghost writing actual nerdcore songs




Daniel Hopper: Photo taken before both parties went missing. Police suspect murder suicide

Paul Hardy: "Hey kid, here is a fun game to play! When your Mommy takes the picture I want us to switch facial expressions!"

Daniel Hopper: He looks sheepish because he knows he's not meant to be so close to child

Daniel Hopper: Why would anyone fashion their facial hair into such a shameful arrangement? I want to assume that it just grows like that. The thought of anyone even thinking about shaving their beard in this way and then doing it makes my head hurt

Paul Hardy: I'm sorry but nobodies beard grows that way. Time and effort has gone into that beard to groom it that way

Daniel Hopper: nooooooooooooo

Daniel Hopper: Maybe that's a good thing. Fuck knows what he'd do with his time otherwise

Paul Hardy: From the looks of it the guy in the white shirt in the background has saw whats happening and is off to the nearest payphone to call the police

Daniel Hopper: The look on his face say's 'No Bill. No, You have to speak out about this. He's gotten away with it too many times.'

Daniel Hopper: I can only assume that he brought that child as his date.

Paul Hardy: I thought the kid was wearing a tiara at first

Daniel Hopper: STOP CONFINING PEOPLE IN THE GENDER BINARY GEEZ!

Paul Hardy: Stuck in gender binary. Can't get out. Please send help

Daniel Hopper: Man with strange beard has trapped me here. I miss my mom.

Paul Hardy: You can just tell the guy is doing everything in his power not to suddenly burst into pulling the stupid fucking :AWESOME: face for the picture

Daniel Hopper: What a fuck.




Daniel Hopper: Cool dog collar bro... Just, one thing... I don't think its actually meant to be a literal dog collar

Daniel Hopper: This guy is proud of his fetish. Could be that it's just run of the mill S&M but let's face it, he's probably a furry

Daniel Hopper: How do I... *looks in morror* OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paul Hardy: Does that dog collar say Ruffles or Riffles?

Daniel Hopper: Does it matter?

Paul Hardy: Well Raffles is the gentleman thug and Roffles is stupid shit for idiots, Ruffles would be an acceptable dogs name but Riffles means literally nothing

Daniel Hopper: I bet it's his fursona!

Paul Hardy: You really cant get past that collar, can you?

Daniel Hopper: He looks like a guy I used to hang around with except he was a really cool dude

Paul Hardy: I bet this guy is a fuckmaster. He goes to bars and clubs in a fucking suit all pimp as fuck and suave as shit. He picks up women, goes back to their place and fucks them. Next morning he's gone, and all that is left of his presence is this picture

Daniel Hopper: I know for a fact that isn't the case, want to know how?

Paul Hardy: Is it the dog collar?

Daniel Hopper: Nope, I found this picture on the Ctrl Alt Del forums




Paul Hardy: Juggalo

Daniel Hopper: You get a tattoo like that and you're pretty much saying 'Fuck you dad, I aint ever gonna have a career'

Daniel Hopper: Does he really need to qualify that he's a psycho and a lunatic? Isn't one enough?

Paul Hardy: It gives him a choice! He'll wake up, look in the mirror and think "Hmmm, today I feel like Psycho" and only have one sleeve rolled up for the rest of the day

Daniel Hopper: I have this image of him pulling up at the drive thru window at McDonalds and smugly placing his arm on the window of his car expecting the staff to be intimidated.

Daniel Hopper: 'Heh, this tattoo will get me loads of free burgers... but wait, what if I'm in Europe, they drive on the wrong side of the road there. Better get Lunatic on the other arm just in case'

Paul Hardy: "Last time I was there I asked for 8 piece chicken nuggets, the guy only gave me 7 and forgot to ask me what sauce I wanted" *looks at tattoos* "Never again..."

Daniel Hopper: 'You see this tattoo!? Does it suggest that I'm the type of guy who's willing to wait for the McRib to return?!'

Paul Hardy: "I invented the Double Down, you know? Don't believe me? Heh, what do my tattoos say?"

Daniel Hopper: Double Down is the name of his signature back door wrestling league finisher and his gimmick is that he's always unhappy with the service in fast food restaurants

Paul Hardy: He is the modern day stone cold steve austin, except this guy has never beat his wife, although he's a psycho lunatic so if she doesnt get enough napkins you know he is totally capable of doing it

Daniel Hopper: STOP CRYING! YOU SAW THE TATS, YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE SIGNING UP FOR!

Paul Hardy: You think maybe he puts his arms up the other way so it says Lunatic Psycho which is a lot less intimidating?

Daniel Hopper: He's one of the boss characters in Streets of Rage

Paul Hardy: The level he's the boss of is a Mcdonalds

Paul Hardy: "You can't wreck the place and beat up the staff! That's what I'm here for!"




Daniel Hopper: Death to the West

Paul Hardy: Even the tattoo looks like it doesnt want to be there

Daniel Hopper: Yeah I want a tattoo of Pee Wee but I want it to depict the time he was caught jerking it in a theatre.

Daniel Hopper: I love the way the shaved hair frames it. Presenting it as some sort of religious shrine

Paul Hardy: Maybe the look is because he knows all that hair is coming back soon

Daniel Hopper: His totally black eyes are creeping me out

Paul Hardy: You know someone will look at this tattoo and say "Oh yeah! Tony Hale! That guy is hilarious!"

Paul Hardy: Would it be better or worse if he didnt ink in the hair, but instead let it just grow naturally?

Daniel Hopper: Everything about this is bad but here this guy us showing it off to the world like a college diploma

Paul Hardy: I dunno, after you do something like tattoo peewee herman onto your arm it just shows that you have the least amount of fucks to give about anything

Daniel Hopper: How can I show the world that literally nothing matters *tattoos pee wee herman onto arm*

Paul Hardy: This is nihilism.jpg

Daniel Hopper: I can only sit back and approve of this and all it represents

XKCD is a bad webcomic and it's forum is full of bad people

Myself and my poz buddy Daniel decide to trawl through the XKCD forums, taking the pictures of weirdos and then mock them over the internet. We have made terrible life decisions to reach this point, please do not imitate us

Scrublord says:
I will be the voice of reason here and say there are one or two women in that thread who are genuinly attractive. It's just a shame that they are also the ones who are posting their picture every other page and the same people go on about how pretty they are

Daniel says:
Well ok, but we aint posting this to leer at attractive women or even talk about people using a 'post your pic' forum thread to compliment women in the hope of sexual gratification. Could you imagine though if this type of behaviour was extrapolated out into real life?

Scrublord says:
There is nothing "real life" about anyone who posts on that forum. It's a bizzare mixture of internet memes, people thinking knowing maths makes them intelligent and the overpowering stench of people slowly dying alone

Daniel says:
Ugly, socially akward nerds walking up to women. Between pained gulps of air they whisper, 'Yo... You're pretty'



Daniel says:
I'm willing to bet cash money that the thermos behind him is actually a product of the fleshlight corporation.

Scrublord says:
When you've just started puberty and growing facial hair we used to laugh at each other for having pube chin. That guy has long passed puberty

Daniel says:
'Hmmmm you know what would look stylish? If I shave my beard so it looks even more like my pubic regions'

Scrublord says:
"That will show the ladies that i have had the sexual encounter before!"

Daniel says:
That beard is a classic example of facial hair being used to give the illusion of 'a chin'. Classic fat guy strategy. Kevin Smith does it, Chris Moyles does it and, depending upon my self esteem, I do it.

Scrublord says:
The guy is looking so smug because he just won a bet that he couldn't take a picture of himself with something he wouldnt eat

Daniel says:
'No fuck you Dad! I told you there was something I wouldn't eat. You're as wrong about this as you are about my birth being a mistake!

Scrublord says:
He looks terrifying though, like a nerd overcompensating happiness because he doesn't really understand it

Daniel says:
When I hear people speak about serial killers this is the image that will spring to mind. Not pictured is the small child he has bound and gagged.

Scrublord says:
He's off to feed that small child, the high point of his day

Daniel says:
He looks like a giant

Scrublord says:
"If I could have feelings it would be for anime"

Daniel says:
Lets move on he's freaking me out



Daniel says:
'John you've been a naughty boy you've let your face grow long'

Scrublord says:
A Young Bill Nighy, minus the talent and plus a mullet - I suppose it all evens out

Daniel says:
He looks like the type of guy who'd cast himself in the role of 'The Dude' in a Shakespearean production of The Big Lebrowski

Scrublord says:
Fuck you for bringing that up

Daniel says:
That's what came to my head man. I see this dude and I think, 'shitty jeff bridges' and one thing leads to another

Scrublord says:
"Forsooth, thine eyes doth look yonder at the jock who is about to shove thine arse into a locker"

Daniel says:
Zounds, away from thy company! Thy art a traitor to our science now that thou hast made the beast with two backs!

Scrublord says:
He looks like the kinda guy who would get bullied even after leaving school. Punching him in the stomach until he throws up will never stop being fun, I can just tell
Aw man, this picture was taken at an arcade - he probably just got the high score in Galaga or something and just needed to commemorate the moment
"I will strike this pose again once my online girlfriend finally caves in and has sex with me!"

Daniel says:
Arcades are dying. People like this guy are the reason. He keeps trying to strike up buisness but everytime he asks kids to come into his arcade the police are called out to beat the shit out of him.

Scrublord says:
That is one hell of a neck the guy has on him

Daniel says:
He uses his elongated neck to peek over the arcade units and check out any potential sex partners that may have entered the building. It seems strange that such a neck would evolve though since its pretty evident that only one other person ever visits the arcade

Scrublord says:
Maybe the arcade is Gotham City and he is the equivalent of Batman. That explains the pose, why one sleeve is rolled up but the other one isnt (faggot ass owner wont let me wear a cape. Is cool though, i can compensate)

Daniel says:
Eh, seems more like the type to style himself on Rorschach

Scrublord says:
I dunno, the last guy hit that note for me



Daniel says:
Bigfoot does exist Mom! He's my maths teacher!
I bet this guys a really good teacher and a pretty cool person but the smell of his hair and beard makes it really tough to approach him and you feel realy guilty about it but jesus christ the stench!

Scrublord says:
I look at him and all i can think of is "wood elf" like he's gonna start singing about being kind to the trees of the forest

Daniel says:
Had you continued to let your hair and beard grow you could have been this guy

Scrublord says:
Just looking at him makes me wish for cancer so chemotherapy can make sure that can never happen. In my defence - I was young and stupid. What does he have?

Daniel says:
A degree in physics
Some people get so caught up in their work that they stop caring about physical appearance maybe that happened to this guy. He sat down one day to write a paper and looked up two months later to find his entier body had atrophied, his hair was a mess and his wife had left him

Scrublord says:
Why do I get the feeling Cheech and Chong are gonna bust in and try to smoke his shirt?

Daniel says:
This guy looks like Cheech and Chong's friend who went straight but the guys are determined to get him smoking again

Scrublord says:
That would be the entire movie - Cheech and Chong try to get a white dude to smoke weed again

Daniel says:
As much as I hate to admit this a lot of intelligent people do read XKCD because it acts as positive reinforcement for their chosen career. You got to uni and are told this will give you a good job but it doesnt so you turn to xkcd which does nothing but tell you how smart and better you are
I can sort of understand why people read xkcd and while I personally cant stand it, I dont really blame or dislike them for enjoying it since we all have dumb shit we like because it makes us feel better bout ourselves

Scrublord says:
What about the people who think they are intelligent solely because they read xkcd?

Daniel says:
Well yeah those people need to be taken to task (as does Munroe for his laziness and insecurity) but xkcd has a baffilingly large readership and we shouldnt tar them all with the same brush

Scrublord says:
Cool, lets get the disclaimer about not judging people out when we're in the middle of making fun of a bunch of them for no reason other than they post on a forum I dislike

Daniel says:
I'm just trying to understand why xkcd is so popular among such a wide range of people bro

Scrublord says:
How about we move on before we get sidetracked into liking these people?



Daniel says:
His head is shaped like a pear and I like pears... will that do?

Scrublord says:
His smile looks reptilian

Daniel says:
So do his eyes. Is this man the basis for David Ikes 'reptiian theory'?

Scrublord says:
The photo does look like it's from a case study

Daniel says:
Above: photo of child born in the aftermath of Chernobyl (note how the lower jaw does not match the upper jaw?)
I dunno, if I had bad acne I wouldn't really go for a haircut that shows off as much of your forehead as you can

Daniel says:
Harlequin babies thing this kid is odd lookin'

Scrublord says:
I'm starting to feel sorry for him

Daniel says:
Hahaha, see!

Scrublord says:
Maybe xkcd is where all these weird looking smart dudes can just go and hang out and be friends with each other, since they are too weird looking to do it irl?
I bet he tries real hard to get along with everyone but people just ignore him so he posts his picture on the internet looking for any sort of gratification

Daniel says:
Yeah, like Munroe and the comic are really just incidental to it all, its really just a safe place for smart dudes to talk about stuff they like and I feel kinda bad for invading that safe place
that doesnt change the fact that this mutha fuckers head looks like a yam though



Daniel says:
'Whoa hold up, this photos for the internet' *puts on eye patch, refuses to comb hair or smile*

Scrublord says:
I wonder if you'll feel bad for invading this guys safe place?

Daniel says:
It's impossible to be on the same plantet as this hefty gent and not invade his space. although i guess technically he's invading yours

Scrublord says:
Type 2 diabetes took his eye, it's just a coincedence he looks like Big Boss with it on - the Biggest Boss

Daniel says:
'Para medic, do you think I can eat this?'
'Boss no it's toxic'
'Uh oh...'

Scrublord says:
"That man is covered in bees! Think of all the honey!"

Daniel says:
He got to the scene where you have to climb the ladder and said 'fuck it'

Scrublord says:
A sneaking mission!? I thought you said snacking! You tricked meeeeeeeeeeee

Daniel says:
Snake here got his codename cos of the way he'll unhinge his jaw to devour a whole cow
What posessed this man to take the photo and think, 'yep this is a good representation of me and what I'm about?'

Scrublord says:
Maybe it's just a wacky picture?

Daniel says:
Yeah cos this guy looks like the personification of wackiness

Scrublord says:
Well alright I dont think this guy has ever heard a joke in his entire life, but maybe he's making the effort? I mean, isn't that what xkcd is all about? Making an effort to be something you're not?

Daniel says:
He should make the effort to not be a fat ass

Scrublord says:
Nobody has that much effort



Daniel says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA COMEDY!
There is nothing to say about this picture, it speaks for itself. Next one



Scrublord says:
Fuck me

Daniel says:
Goddamn

Scrublord says:
I'm starting to think xkcd is where rapists gather to chill in between their day job (rape)

Daniel says:
This guy looks like a mad rapist but its hard to imagine him overpowering anyone. The intent is there but the ability isnt

Scrublord says:
How long is his fucking hair? This isn't Rapunzel you faggot

Daniel says:
Please Paul, please dont place this obvious asexual into the simple black and white binary of sexual politics.
That was a mess of a sentance (it was inspired by his hair)

Scrublord says:
The only sexual politics this guy is a part of is whether or not chemical castration should be mandatory

Daniel says:
Why?! Why would you post this on the internet as a putting a face to your posts?!

Scrublord says:
The worst part of this picture is that its taken outside. That means he has been outside in his life at least once, and maybe on other occasions too. Somebody should have seen him in one of these situations but the authorities were not informed. I'd just feel a whole lot safer if this man was under house arrest for being in a constant state of looking like hes gonna rape everyone

Daniel says:
Alan Moore is this man's style icon
There should be some sort of outreach programme where Kanye West helps guys like this get their fashion sense kicked into shape

Scrublord says:
This guy would have nothing to do with Kanye West after he STOLE FROM DAFT PUNK
Actually, he'd probably be more upset about Kanye punking a then underage Taylor Swift at last years VMA
Besides, at this point I'd much rather watch 50 Cent trying to restyle this guy

Daniel says:
Pretend I posted that gif of 50 Cent shaking his head and driving away



Daniel says:
Hahahaha
Thats being used as my desktop wallpaper

Scrublord says:
How fucking rad is this kid?

Daniel says:
This kid owns, he's totally in on the joke and doesnt give a fuck about anything

Scrublord says:
This goes against all your complaints of "Why would this dude use this picture as his representation online" since the dude clearly understands the original picture was lacking, so he phtoshopped himself INTO SPACE

Daniel says:
Why wouldn't you use this pic? I'm gonna start using it
Not just space though, he photoshopped himself into space from a SNES game

Scrublord says:
This kid is literally the light at the end of the tunnel. When you die you come out the other side of the light and this kid is here and he's all "Sup, welcome to space"

Daniel says:
You come close to the light and he has his back turned to you then he slowly turns to face you, 'Heh welcome to space.'

Scrublord says:
"Is...is that you God?"
"Heh, there is no God!"
*cool kid flies away, a meteor hurtles towards him but its not a meteor its some shades and he puts them on*

Daniel says:
We cant see his lower body but its safe to assume he's on a solid gold motorcycle

Scrublord says:
A supermodel is also on the motorcycle and is also currently sucking his dick but he gives no fucks about earthly pleasures - this little nigga all about space pleasures
He's going through space to find an alien so bonerlicious not even God will fuck it, and then he's gonna fuck the alien

Daniel says:
He's the best I totally love this kid

Scrublord says:
This kid is my new hero, fuck you brave people who gave their lives in Iraq! When the fuck were you in space?



Daniel says:
If Space Kid is God then this guy is the Devil

Scrublord says:
Why do people see fedoras and think "Yes, this is the thing that will complete my look"?

Daniel says:
Maybe they're really enamoured with Vampire HunterD and while I can totally get behind wanting to look more like an anime, come the fuck on!

Scrublord says:
He's even got it at a jaunty angle, I bet the fucker did it intentionally

Daniel says:
If you're a white guy in a fedora then there's a pretty good chance that we'll have nothing to talk about. I mean yeah we'll probably share similar interests but I simply wont be able to pay attention to any of your views

Scrublord says:
Is that racist?

Daniel says:
I dont think so but I dont care if it is. Look at that fuckin guy

Scrublord says:
Imagine going to a bar, having a nice drink and this guy comes over and tries to make conversation

Daniel says:
Worse, imagine watching horrified as he heads to the jukebox. Dream Theatre. I fucking promise you it'd be Dream Theatre or Muse

Scrublord says:
Bit of Radiohead?

Daniel says:
Hm I dunno, not technical enough for him

Scrublord says:
Mars Volta then, or Coheed and Cambria?

Daniel says:
Yeah they'd both be in the most played section of his ipod
He'd probs corner you at a party and talk in painful detail about the intricacies of the coheed and cambria comic book

Scrublord says:
I hate this guy
I also want to point out that if Space Kid was going towards the jukebox he'd put Holy Diver on and the song would slowly get louder as it plays

Daniel says:
I wanna hang out with Space Kid more than anything in the worlds



Scrublord says:
The only way they could get both the guy in front and the girl into the picture while fulfilling the requirements of his restraining order was to have that dude in the middle

Daniel says:
The guy in the middle looks like he's passing a ham through his left ventricle
All that denim could provide housing for everyone in the third world

Scrublord says:
Why do so many of these people have long hair and shitty beards?

Daniel says:
Haha I know, what the fuck? *looks in mirror... sweat drop*

Scrublord says:
I'm not being hypocritical because my beard is shitty out of laziness, but they put effort into getting their beards this bad

Daniel says:
Someone just put 'I am the walrus' on and everyone scrambled for this photo op



Daniel says:
Whoa

Scrublord says:
That is one unfortunate looking motherfucker

Daniel says:
I'm all for dismantling the gender binary but jesus, too much too soon!
His faith in science is understandable. I'd have a hard time placing faith in a God if I looked like that

Scrublord says:
What the fuck is wrong with his hair? His parting is like the red sea

Daniel says:
His hair, now hold on Paul I'm not so sure thats a he. I mean I think it is but I can't be sure
To start going bald directly in the centre of your head... what kind of God would allow that? I'm starting to worry that maybe he's going through chemo or something and our laughing at him is just terrible

Scrublord says:
I really hope the cancer kills him

Daniel says:
He probably looks in the mirror and thinks the same thing
You could use this picture in a paper about holocaust victims and nobody would call you out for it.

Scrublord says:
I cant get over his hair - how can you have long hair and then never wash it? And he is easily the palest person I've seen on the internet

Daniel says:
He's clearly outside yet he's so fucking pale. What, does he only go out durring an eclipse or something?
There are people who believe aliens are secretly working on a human alien hybrid. It's called the starchild theory. This man is the starchild, nothing else to it. This man is proof possitive that aliens have been all up in our junk

Scrublord says:
It's a shame this kid is the starchild and not Space Kid from before

Daniel says:
Maybe someone shaved down the centre of his head while he was sleeping - possibly aliens, I dont wanna rule that out
Homie look like the librarian ghost from the first Ghostbuster movie

Lookit all these gay words about all these gay people by a couple of gay dudes. That is so gay. Gay

So myself and my disgusting manchild friend D_Hoppers_Ghost decided that the best use of our Saturday night was to make fun of ugly people over the internet. Here is all of them words for whatever reason!


DHG says:
There is nothing wrong with these people
Scrublord says:
lol I typed "Twee as fuck" into google and got this
DHG says:
It's just your racism means you still havent grasped the concept of interracial couples but that's your fault, not theirs
Scrublord says:
What are you on about? I'm very happy for Jaws and Oddjob finding happiness together
DHG says:
Which is which? They both have dumb hats like oddjob and they both have pretty strong jawlines
Scrublord says:
Having a threesome with them would be great - you stand there and you got Oddjob sucking yo dick while you sucking Jaws dick
DHG says:
Is there a Bond porno designed around that scenario? If not we should make it. I CALL JAWS
Scrublord says:
Which Bond will be the third wheel though? CHOOSE CAREFULLY and don't say Daniel Craig out of some Jewish brotherhood either
DHG says:
Daniel Craig isnt jewish he just pretends he is. Wait, is he? Am I being antisemitic?
Scrublord says:
He looks kinda jewey, in a non antisemitic sort of way
DHG says:
He is a tall, blond haired blue eyed ubermensch. How is that, quote, jewey?
Scrublord says:
I saw his cock one time
DHG says:
I dont believe you. I don't believe your lies about celebrity dicks
Scrublord says:
Out of everyone you know who has the highest chance of seeing his dick?
DHG says:
... ok so what about his dick?
Scrublord says:
He doesn't have one - as part of the Jewish movie star ritual he gave it up in a weird ceremony and is now part of the Zionist movement in hollywood to make James Bond less camp and more gay
DHG says:
You need to stop reading nexus magazine broheim.


DHG says:
Is that Chester Bennington?
Scrublord says:
It's Michael Stipe from REM
DHG says:
I knew it was a music douchebag but i couldnt quite place which one. Is he related to Jack and Meg Whitestripe?
Scrublord says:
Maybe Jack. Wait, Stipe has the HIV, right? Jack is incredibly pale and thin, while Meg is chubby as fuck. So Jack Whitestripe got the HIV from Michael Stipe?
DHG says:
I think thats a safe to assume yes. I found this pic by searching for cybergoths. I didnt realise cybergoths were so big on REM. You'd think REM's enviromental message would clash with their desire to dip everything they own in neon plastic but I guess not.
Scrublord says:
Cybergoths? Really?
DHG says:
Yeah
Scrublord says:
Shadowrun was cool and all when I was like 12, but there's a time and a place to end this
Wait, was this taken in Japan? His t shirt has Moon Speak on it, There's japanese people in the background
DHG says:
You can claerly see one japanese person that doesnt mean it was taken in Japan. You saying that is like Glenn Beck loudly asking 'Where am I, MEXICO?!' everytime a hispanic person passes him on the street.
He is in Japan though, if it puts your mind at ease.
Why would anyone do this to themselves? Not the haircut, I mean tour with REM.
Scrublord says:
I really dont know
Have you ever met someone who likes REM?
DHGl says:
No. I don't know anyone who like REM. About a year ago I was driving my mam somewhere and Shiny Happy People came on the radio. My mam said 'It's sad that he has HIV but his band really is terrible'.
Scrublord says:
See, that sorta makes my point. REM are popular but I've never met anyone who actually likes them.
Maybe thats the whole Zionist conspiracy? I can't think of anything more evil
DHG says:
Bro, I dont like rem. I told you!
Scrublord says:
Whats the opposite of the Zionist conspiracy?
DHG says:
I dunno. A christian conspiracy?
Scrublord says:
Shit, it's Pitchfork isn't it?


DHG says:
"YEAH I'D LIKE AN EXTRA LARGE MEAT SUPREME. I'M ON WARD 22. YEAH THE CARDIAC WARD!"
I know its mean to laugh at a fat guy on a hospital bed but I cant help it. This picture just makes me laugh. When I'm a fat guy on a hospital bed people can laugh at me but until then...
Scrublord says:
"HELLO, PIZZA HUT? I NEED TO CHANGE THE ADDRESS OF MY HOME DELIVERY! NO I CAN'T HOLD I'M FUCKING HUNGRY HERE!"
DHG says:
'FUCKING HOSPITAL WIFI! HOW AM I MEANT TO RAID WITH THIS SHIT?!'
Scrublord says:
Dude is totally waiting for Doctor House to burst in and make him lose all the weight and then Thirteen blows him
Instead a doctor who looks like me will blow him. Two days later he is dead. Such is life
DHG says:
Wish I was a fat guy being treated by Doctor House
Scrublord says:
*pops vicodin* It seems here that your ownage levels are dangerously low. Differential diagnosis on being mega gay?
"We could do a biopsy"
"No, he's too gay, it would send his anus into relapse from the huge cock he had in him last night"
To read any more you must subscribe to my fanfic
DHG says:
'THE ANIME SHOULD BE MAKING HIM BETTER BUT INSTEAD IT'S KILLING HIM!'
Scrublord says:
"We need 50cc's of posts, stat!"
"But House! If the posts aren't to the 5 level then he will die!"
"Then I guess we just need to trust the fives"
DHG says:
Thanks GBS


DHG says:
JESUS H CHELIOS! Raoul Moat?
Scrublord says:
Dude got rejected from KISS for being too straight
DHG says:
Thats really horrible, where did you find it?
Scrublord says:
I googled "diaper dude" Really, it was one of the more tamer choices
DHG says:
'This bitchboys on his way to the gathering. He'll probably get laid. Godspeed you fag emperor' - DJ Shaggy Two (2) Dopes
Scrublord says:
Carrot Top wig, juggalo mask, orange t shirt, a gun and a diaper - i'm gonna call this uglybabypunk
DHG says:
When I was a kid i saw the movie 'IT' and was fucking terrified. Years later I watched it and realised it wasnt scary at all and that my memory had made it seem worse. This clown is what I remebered.
Scrublord says:
Would you say....IT RAPED YOUR CHILDHOOD!?
Actually, what I said is now ominous because this guy looks like he would rape children
DHG says:
Looks like he would?
Scrublord says:
Looks like he has, then
Each of his items of clothing are from previous victims. Out of shot - clown shoes (he raped a clown)
Awww man, a baby clown. Is there anything sadder? Aside from this guy raping a baby clown i guess
DHG says:
I dunno, the tears of a babby clown... no there is nothing sadder. Maybe a baby clown wearing jorts


DHG says:
I know this is old but it still gets me
Scrublord says:
"Daaaaaaaaad no! The All American Rejects are NOT cool! Ugh"
DHG says:
He's so sad. All his material wealth just cant bring him happiness since his wife left him. His eyes are filled with the same sadness as Kermit the frog's
Scrublord says:
"I bought this iphone because my kids say there's an app for everything. Couldnt find the app to bring me back together with my wife. Contemplated sadness of these events by taking a picture (there was an app for that)"
DHG says:
Look at this while listenng to needle in the hay by Elliott Smith. It's soul destroying
Scrublord says:
You think if Elliot Smith lived to be old he would end up being this dude?
Daniel says:
Yeah I could see that happening
Speaking of dumb shit that needs exposing, where's the nexus article on Elliott Smith's murder at the hands of his wife huh?
Scrublord says:
Fuck. This picture. It's old John Cusack with Justin Bieber's hair
DHG says:
Holy shit, I'm having a moment like the end of usual suspects where all the shit is coming to me, Beibers beautiful hair, Cusack in his many similar roles, all the while my coffee cup slowly falls to the floor.
We can't be sure but I bet this guy has a monobrow
Scrublord says:
Maybe thats why hes so sad?
DHG says:
But a pair of tweezers would fix that. There's no need to spend $'s on emo clothes to get rid of that brow


DHG says:
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadies.
Scrublord says:
"Hi, you may recognise me as Mayor Carcetti from The Wire. I'm here today to tell you about the ultimate comfort wear you could possibly imagine. I'm here to tell you about jorts"
DHG says:
'Jorts, because you're proud of the fact that you cannot grow any hair on your legs. SPONSORED BY MOUNTAIN DEW'
Scrublord says:
"Always be aware of necrotizing flesh on your legs due to inactivity from playing world of warcraft for 22 hours straight" - JORTS
DHG says:
"Hey now, don't throw that pizza out. Get your mom to stick it in the fridge, it'll make a great, no fuss breakfast" - JORTS
Scrublord says:
"The only thing that will make your wall scrolls look better is the light from the sun reflecting onto them as you draw your katana at the exact moment of dawn" - JORTS
DHG says:
"Defragging your pc can take forever and leave you with no hot games to play, what a pain! Why not use that time to pleasure yourself over some hot anime babes. That way you won't get horny and hit on the halfelf mage, who later turns out to be your dad, during a raid" - JORTS
Scrublord says:
"Microwave burritos - the future, today! Also technically the past since they've been around for a while" - JORTS
"Correcting mistakes on wikipedia is a difficult and time consuming activity but you are making the world a better place by doing so" - JORTS
"Asexual" - JORTS
DHG says:
"Next time mom shouts at you tell her you didn't go to your sister's wedding because you have aspergers because she had you innoculated as a child. Maybe she'll feel guilty and pick up some pizza rolls on the way home" - JORTS
Scrublord says:
"If you go to Grandma's funeral then who will save Midgar from Sephiroth?" - JORTS



DHG says:
S... Steampunk
Scrublord says:
Is that Mickey Rourke on the left?
DHG says:
There is nothing right about this picture, but think for a minute about how much time, money and care has been invested in these ridiculous costumes
Scrublord says:
I dont want to. They have put more time, money, effort and care into their shitty steampunk costumes for comic-con than I ever have with any part of my life
DHG says:
That imp chick must have spent at least 24hours meticulously stitching clock parts to her great grand mothers last remaining posession and that fucking nerd there... look at how smug he looks.
"Hmmg, my steam powered ecrrectometer is detecting a boner in my nether regions. a damsel is within 3ft of me. Time to woo her with these roses made of steam"
Scrublord says:
You have to keep pouring water into his butthole to sustain his boner
DHG says:
Whenever he ejaculates steam shoots out of his ears. Like his shotgun that shoots bullets with steam. If he put even a minutes thought into that he'd realise the only thing thats gonna do is steam up his attackers glasses. Maybe give them a mild head sweat.


DHG says:
Still steampunk but a chance for us to be sexist and hetronormative as fuck
Scrublord says:
GOD DAMN SON, LOOK AT HER PACKING DEM TITTIES


DHG says:
My bookcase? Filled with dvds. All of them anime
Scrublord says:
You trying to take my newest edition of shohen jump? *draws steam powered gun* Are you feeling lucky....gaijin?
Yeah in the background there I have the tombstone of my virginity, hope I get to use it someday!
DHG says:
"Ok just stand still for half an hour. I need to heat up some water and I refuse to use modern water heating appliances" It is 2010 and this man is proudly displaying his hellraiser dvd collection
Scrublord says:
Is that a my little pony next to his left ear?
DHG says:
He went to all this trouble to set up a steampunk picture. You think he could have stood next to a fucking clock or a cathedral or something instead of a shelf in forbidden planet.
I just found his twitter but he locked his tweets
Scrublord says:
So he'll gladly post pictures of himself in full steampunk regala but he refuses to let us see his shitty steampunk tweets?
"Got beat up again today. Can't wait until Super SteamPunk Saturday" 2 minutes ago via steam
DHG says:
I'd have thought twitter would go against his steampunk lifestyle



Scrublord says:
She looks like the bust of an old pirate ship got dumped on top of a pile of boxes
DHG says:
Damn girl, you built like a mother fucka. I'm in the market fo a new home, maybe you could sell me one of yo clean shirts.
Girl needs the awesome power of steam just to keep her from collapsin under the weight of her huge ass
Scrublord says:
Girl why you goin steampunking at the zoo? Walking past the elephants and they throwing peanuts off you
DHG says:
Girl wider than a donkey but built like an ape/ when she leave this zoo they gonna think an elephant's escaped
Scrublord says:
Damn girl, look at yo fat ass. Only exercise you be doing is running down the clock before the buffet hour be starting
DHG says:
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit girl, playas take one look at you an they know the buffets about to start
Scrublord says:
Bitch only reason you coming is because you heard the word steam and you start thinking of them clams you like so much
DHG says:
Girl this aint no forum about texas meats. We steamin' lifestyles not meals!


Scrublord says:
MEATLOAF! YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE BUT I WISH THE ONE THING YOU WOULDN'T DO FOR LOVE WOULD BE STEAMPUNK
DHG says:
I know I'm being a hetronormative, genderrole inforcing dick but 'nice room George Costanza. Who decorated it? Your gran?'
Scrublord says:
That fucking bowtie
DHG says:
It's the glasses that most offend me. Maybe he's a jockey and he didnt realise the blinkers are meant for the horse?
Scrublord says:
You know how xkcd has 3 characters - self insert male, MEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN and a dude with glasses? This is the real life interpretation of the dude in glasses
DHG says:
I'm still seeing george from seinfeld
'HE USES THE POWER OF STEAM JERRY'
'LIKE A KETTLE OR SOMETHING?'
'NO JERRY LIKE A ZEPPELIN OR A DEVICE THAT CLOACKS THE ROBOT ASSASIN IN STEAM AND AN INBUILT PROJECTOR CASTS THE IMAGE OF A HARMLESS GRANNY ONTO IT'

KRAMER SLIDES IN

'ELAINE PLEASE THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY'


Scrublord says:
And the tin man went looking for the Wizard of Oz to gain chest hair
DHG says:
'And for you tin man, heres that testosterone you wanted'
Scrublord says:
Surely the tin man would just want a source of steam so he doesnt grind to a halt? Wouldnt a steam powered tin man not work very well at all?
DHG says:
Yeah wouldnt he rust? Look at us, applying logic to steampunk!
Scrublord says:
We are putting more thought into steampunk than the people who live it
DHG says:
We are the ones who have been [steam]punk'd
Scrublord says:
By Ton o' Ash Kutcher?
DHG says:
More like Ash Ketchum
Shoop Doop Boop says:
I say! *monocle pops out but steam powered generator shoots it back into the air and onto my eyes*
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK STEAM IS REALLY HOT WE HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICE
DHG says:
Wild Wild West was the only really steam punk movie i can think of. Imagine designing your entire life around that dumb movie
Scrublord says:
I dunno, Salma Hayek was in that movie and she has some big chebs too. I'm sure you could live with looking like a dork to be around titties like them
DHG says:
Like a serpant eating its own tale or a mobius strip, you dress like a dork to get Hayek's chebs but she spurns you cos you dress like a dork so you dismantle an antique clock and glue the gears to a top hat to get Hayek's chebs...
Scrublord says:
If the only good thing about tonight is I have started you calling titties "chebs" then it has been worth it
Of course the other good thing was those GODDAMN TITTIES WHOA GIRL YOU LOOKING FINE
DHG says:
I just think its a funny word and if it applies to anyones titties its Hayek's

Raoul Moat is giving me blue balls - he is also a huge faggot and will soon be dead

I honestly cannot get over how fucking stupid the whole Raoul Moat situation is

For those of you who are unaware, give no fucks or are Raoul Moat himself and are seemingly unable to use your brain, the situation is the dude called Raoul Moat beats his girlfriend up and gets sent to prison for it. While inside his girlfriend breaks up with him and, in an effort to make him back off, tells him she is now dating a policeman. So when he gets out he gets a sawn off shotgun, shoots his ex girlfriend and then shoots her new boyfriend twice, one to the chest and then one to the head from close range

Of course, this guy is not a policeman. I don't know what he is, but that dude is fucking dead at this point so it doesn't really matter. She survives, but that is irrelevant now. A day later Raoul Moat pops up again, shooting a police officer in the goddamn face. This shooting is quite big, since nobody really shoots the police here in the UK and also because I could literally walk to where the shooting takes place in around 15 minutes

Things start to get interesting as the police then get given a letter that apparently he wrote detailing how he was going to wage war on the police. "Fuck yes!" I thought "Something interesting is happening! Maybe this will be a brief light of interest in my otherwise shit life!" Sure, this letter is 48 pages long and fuck that nobody is going to read that fucking thing. But it's interesting anyways

The last time a guy was being hunted by the police it was in the movie Rambo. In my head Raoul Moat was Rambo, except his girlfriend dumping him was Vietnam. Later evidence comes out that apparently the police pulled him over in his car over a hundred times last year for various reasons, which could be seen as them pushing him (so to speak)

Then he does nothing for 4 days while the police look for him

That is not a war you are waging. That's not even a schoolyard fight. You are hiding like a fucking pussy. Would Rambo run away? Probably not, or if he was running away it was just to cut down a tree to carve into a bow so he could continue shooting people or some gay shit like that. I'll be honest, I barely watched any of the Rambo movies but I doubt it could be any more boring than this

So days pass and more and more details come out. Apparently he had hostages, but doesn't anymore. Apparently he has been sleeping in a tent. Apparently he's on steroids and he is suffering from roid rage. Apparently nobody gives a fuck and we want to see people get shot again. I don't give a fuck - people don't get shot all the time so it's interesting when they do, but when you start shooting people, promise to shoot more people and then you don't shoot anyone then that is blue balling me. I want you to lick my blue balls Raoul Moat. Metaphorically, of course. By shooting people

Now he's surrounded by around 40 armed officers and he's lying down with the gun pointed at his neck. If he makes a sudden movement he will be shot the fuck up. If he doesn't do anything he'll shoot himself. So of course he's been lying there for the past few hours

This is the end game. The only way he is leaving this is either in handcuffs or a bodybag. For the past 4 days he could leave where the police were searching but he didn't. He's cornered. There's literally no way out for him. He's fucked. If he has any sense he wouldn't be in this situation and if he has any homour he'll go out shooting. Assholess in the country can call him "The English Che Guevara" and we can go back to our world of shit

But that's too easy - Gazza has been reported to have turned up claiming he's a friend of Moat. If you aren't aware of Gazza he's a burned out alcoholic footballer who also, for all intents and purposes, owns real fucking hard. He's turned up at the scene where a murderer and also the most wanted man in the UK has finally fucked up his life on the run, drunk out of his mind, claiming to be his friend

This is no longer about one shithead shooting people. This is the Gazza show now. Nobody will remember the ridiculous looking over grown baby. Nobody will even remember the shooting or the death. People will remember the drunk fuck up being a drunken fuck up. In only a few hours the situation went from boring to interesting to utterly fucking ridiculous

The situation isn't over yet, but my interest has now died. A chilling story about a fucking idiot going crazy and shooting people has been overshadowed by a fat clown with a stupid accent. I know the UK doesn't have many of these happenings and we can take what we learned here and use it to the advantage next time, but it's still dissapointing. Why even bother when, no matter what you achieve, some fat fuck wil lcome and steal your thunder?

Fuck this, I'm tired of talking about Raoul Moat. I'm gonna get drunk fags, peace