Once I finish this episode I'll be halfway through the series. So if in about 2 weeks time I'll be finished with this and never have to watch it again. Wait no, season 2 has been announced for a few months time. Will I watch it? PROBABLY NOT
Title Card and then on we go. We start with Spencer and Hugo playing Tennis and they talk about the charity auction, then Francis' assistant and they decide to have a game of poker with Francis and Frederik to find out more about her. It's nice that the show gives us two characters at the start of every episode talking about the main premise of the episode in case the people watching are too stupid to know what is actually happening on the screen. It would be better if done with some subtlety instead of the characters saying "This is literally going to happen" though
Rosie and Millie talk about Hugo, and Millie wants to be sure Rosie is ok with her going on a date with Hugo. It's great that the show decides that Amber is a fucking awful character and so gets Millie to tag along with other people now. Caggie is there too, and apparently she invited Thunder out to lower the awkwardness between them. Thunder admits she dresses up as Wonder Woman for Spencer and I see through this obvious ruse to get the nerd crowd into it. We're nerds, reality TV show, we are easily pleased by everything except obvious pandering!
Francis and Frederik are playing polo. FUCK! They went rowing, now polo. If in the next episode they eat caviar out of the carcass of a swan they just shot then they may as well wear a badge that says "UPPER CLASS" They talk about Francis' assistant, and for some reason Francis has a lot of pictures of his intern on his phone. Spencer calls him then, they agree to play poker and the camera sticks on Spencer and Hugo talking about Caggie. Everyone talks to everyone else except the people who they have problems with so nothing ever gets resolved. Then Thunder invites the girls to a model party
Ollie then whines to Binky about his relationship ending with Gabriella and how he has to find his happiness again. He then admits that he broke up with Gabriella because he is bi. "I know" is Binky's response. I fucking knew that from the first second I saw him. Literally everyone in the fucking world could take one look at him and know that. If Binky, who thought Charles Dickens wrote Winnie the Pooh, can tell you are bi then there is nobody dense enough to not know this. This is not a shock to anyone
Francis is getting a suit fitted, because he's rich you see, and he's talking to his intern, Agne. Why is his intern just sitting there watching a man size him for a suit instead of working? I don't know. I don't think she actually does anything but get him points for hiring an immigrant. Then this FUCKING FUCKHEAD from the first episode comes in and talks to Francis. "I shop in London and Milan and sometimes Paris" he says in his drony voice and I want to kick him in the teeth. Everything about him makes me want to punch him. The three of them talk, and eventually the prick leaves. "Is he some kind of Prince?" asks Agne and FUCK NO THIS SCENE IS OVER
Rosie and Hugo are having tea and Rosie has a video of Thunder doing a Charlie's Angels type video which we watch. It is weird. "That is fucking comic!" Hugo exclaims in a really extravagant way, like he is the first person to ever find something funny. They talk about Spencer being jealous and possesive, or "protective" as Hugo spins it. They then talk about the auction, and Hugo says he wishes Rosie won instead and how he doesn't want to go on a date with Millie. Way to be subtle, shithead
Next we go to Thunder's rehearsal studio and I FUCKING CALLED IT ABOUT HER BEING A WRESTLER! We are also introduced to this guy - now I paused the recording to get the picture but I'm guessing he is gay. Just putting it out there now. Spencer comes in and starts watching these scantily clad women dance. In an unrelated note, I think Spencer is gay as well. He and Thunder talk about her job (as a dancer, not a wrestler) and Spencer starts being obsessive about it. I think Thunder was meant to be a prostitute for this to work, but it was deemed too risque so she is a background dancer instead. It doesn't really work too well, and the whole scene is there to make Spencer seem insecure. What the fuck ever, asshole
Hugo and Millie go on their date to a sushi making class. I fucking swear she drops some down her top and asks Hugo to fish it out for her. SUBTLETY MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS!? We then go back to Spencer and Thunder arguing about her job again. They are going to break up, aren't they? They spend all this time building up the triangle with Caggie and now it's over they are going to break up. WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT!? Binky goes to see Gabriella, who is playing the piano and singing how you have to fight for love. The first step to getting over being dumped by a gay guy, I guess. Gabriella starts crying. That's it. Back at the date, it's really fucking boring because Millie can't act
Next we have the poker game being played by the four most boring people alive. Agne the intern is the dealer, and I have no idea why. She is the fucking intern for fucks sake! Caggie meets Millie to talk about the date with Hugo, and they talk about how good they think he is in bed. We then get various scenes of Caggie and Millie being boring, the boring poker game and Ollie and Binky at a spa talking about Ollie liking cock, and Cheska with Gabriella also talking about Ollie not liking cock. Ollie then calls Gabriella and agrees to meet up and talk things out. All of the events I mentioned in this paragraph took up about ten minutes of the show and absolutely nothing worth mentioning happened
Thunder, Spencer, Hugo, Rosie and Thunder's gay friend are out having breakfast. Or dinner. It's light out, so it's clearly the next day, but they are drinking wine. Drinking wine early in the morning seems less of a rich thing to do and more a brazen alcoholic deal. Regardless of the time this event takes place, it's really fucking dull. Hugo eventually gets a text message but he doesn't say who it's from. QUICK GUYS! IT'S BEEN AN EPISODE WITHOUT A BORING LOVE TRIANGLE! BETTER SORT THIS SHIT OUT
That night everyone is at an art exhibition for some reason. A cheap attempt to show how rich and classy they are, I guess. Meanwhile, Gabriella is doing a sound check at some place for some reason. It's never really explained what she does. Ollie turns up. Back at the art exhibition BECAUSE WATCHING A GIRLS' HEART BE BROKEN BECAUSE THE PERSON SHE IS IN LOVE WITH IS GAY AND IS ABOUT TO FIND OUT WOULD BE TERRIBLE TO WATCH, Francis talks to this woman. Apparently she is the artist whose exhibition this is. She says he has "geek chic" which, just so you know, doesn't exist. We go back to Ollie and Gabriella, and he spills the beans in a really long winded way. I think she gets it though
Spencer tells Rosie about the text Hugo got, more disregard of the bro code. Spencer tries to talk Rosie to get with Hugo together while elsewhere Hugo is making moves on Millie. The show then ends with Hugo and Millie kissing. On the preview for the next episode we have Hugo in a love triangle and I think Spencer breaksup with Thunder. Love triangles and break ups - man, being rich clearly sucks
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