First up, I want to point out that this is probably the worst quality I've ever seen. This happens during the recap. THANKS A LOT, ASSHOLE WHO UPLOADED THIS! I'm going to point out whenever something like this happens because it will probably be more interesting than anything that happens on the show
Oh great, they've turned subtitles on. This will make screencapping so much more pointless. I also could have sworn Holly says "I'm fit, I'm flirty..." and MTV are just fucking with me here. The kind of person who needs subtitles for this show is also the kind of person who would use them for The Wire. I'm not saying you're racist if you need the subtitles on for this show, but you are probably a fucking idiot
Some of the people use a Geordie accent but it's never really incomprehensible. Greg sometimes talks quickly, but that's as bad as it gets. This is just fucking pointless - if you want to have subtitles as an option then that's fine. If the subtitles are for the hard of hearing then that's great. If the subtitles are there because someone is trying to push the North-South divide in a "haha, I can't understand those Northeners! Better turn the subtitles on!" then that is actually disgusting as fuck
Whoever uploaded this episode has, in less than a minute, annoyed me more than anyone in Geordie Shore has in 3 episodes (if you ignore Holly, which everyone else did anyways) and I have no idea who that is worse for - the people of Geordie Shore, the uploader, or me
We start with what will probably be the worst episode for me personally with more Jay and Vicky problems. James explains that Vicky is a flirty person who doesn't even realise what she's doing and how it makes Jay go jealous. Jay is unloading on Gary at the club at how frustrated he is, Gary responds by singing along to the music. Don't worry if you're deaf since the subtitles explain everything
Jay talks to Vicky, and she doesn't even let him finish what he's trying to say and she kicks off. "He says 'I can't deal with it Vicky' Deal with fucking what!?" she says. "There's gonna be fireworks tonight" Greg guesses "I'm staying out the way!" and James says "Jay and Vicky are really loved up!" and then he does this pose and makes a "HMMMM!" noise. I don't know if he'spretending to be an elephant or playing a note on a trumpet, but I don't get how either of these things could mean sarcasm. Also note the mouse pointer next to his name. That isn't my mouse pointer. THANKS A LOT UPLOADER YOU IDIOT FUCKER
Jay gets over Vicky by getting one of the hostesses numbers. Vicky sees this and pretends to not to give a shit, but then Vicky ends up in the toilets talking to her. Vicky then gets upset for some reason since she's said several times she isn't bothered, and she goes home too. Jay goes to talk to her, but Vicky isn't really having it. I tend to get at least six months to a year out of my socks, whereas the Jay/Vicky relationship has been about 5 days. So this burn seems to be more of a statement of the obvious, unless she eats her socks or something?
Anyways, they scream fuck off and go fuck yourself at each other for a bit, then Vicky asks Jay to pay for her taxi. If you've spent the past few minutes screaming fuck off and what have you right in front of the taxi, and then you ask the person you're having a screaming match with to pay for the taxi then...I don'tknow. I really don't know. Just as we start to go back to even more boring Gary and Charlotte drama THIS HAPPENS FUCK YOU and then he turns the fucking subtitles off after 5 minutes WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS JUST TURN THE SUBTITLES OFF, GET THE MOUSE POINTER OFF THE SCREEN AND FUCKING LEAVE IT YOU CUNT
This is the most first world problem to complain about ever. I have MTV in my house so I could have easily watched the show when it aired. But no, I went out of my way, a few weeks after it first showed, to download it and then get annoyed when the person who uploaded it is a fucking mong. It's me, the white male who is a spoilt prick, who is the fucking mong
In less interesting news, Charlotte sees Gary with another girl and decides that she needs to get with someone to prove to everyone she isn't in love with Gary. She didn't consider the fact she is in love with Gary, so I'm betting she doesn't do a very good job. Surprisingly, she does get with someone! "She thinks it ends here, but if I wanted something to happen in a weeks time it wouldn't really be a problem" Gary says. So after all thatin an effort to prove she isn't in love with Gary, it changes nothing. Just like every other fucking thing that happens on this show
Everyone goes back to the house, and Charlotte takes the guy to the guest room. "It doesn't bother me in the slightest" Gary says, and you know what? It's actually believable when he says it. "This is my escape route - I can use this and I'm out for good" he continues. He'salready had sex with her, and now he wants to bail. This was his MO all along, and Charlotte does all the leg work for him. I think he's right, he does know what he's doing. "I didn't even have sex with him!" Charlotte later explains "I do this thing where I get into bed drunk and then I fall asleep!" That is going to end up with her getting raped, I can fucking tell
Jay and Vicky, meanwhile, spend the rest of the night fighting. "She's going on like I'm in the wrong, but she is just as wrong as I am" Jay points out, again being right. He's on a bit of a roll. Now, Vicky. I know a few girls like her. She's all friendly when you are around her, bitchy when you are behind their back, and gets really riled up and argumentative when they are angry. I think maybe that's why I liked Vicky, since she is the only one of the girls who I thought "I honestly know someone like that". Charlotte is a huge fucking mess, although that is too vague to be relatabe - everyone can relate to it, but it means nothing. Sophie basically has no personality apart from her saying she is a slut sometimes and sometimes she isn't. The less said abou Holly the better, because I hate her. Vicky is the only real or genuine woman in the house, and the word genuine doesn't really apply because she is kind of a huge bitch
"We were all in the house, but Holly wasn't there" Sophie says "And we still didn't realise she was gone" Everyone else confirms that they never realised she was gone. This makes me happy. The next morning, Charlotte leaves the guest room and goes back to her bedroom, where she sees the note Holly left. Her reaction to it is really funny, as it comes across like she really wouldn't care about Holly leaving and she seems genuinly surprised at how upset she is. But no, she just feels bad for her. This bit definitely isn't true, though. Charlotte says that Holly was really nice and was too young to know how to get on with everyone else and nobody really gave her a chance. That's a lie. Everyone gave her a chance and everyone hated her. Fuck Holly
Gary tells Jay about Holly leaving "Fuck amn, I didn't even notice!" Jay replies and they both laugh. Honestly, I laughed as well. If that makes me a horrible person I couldn't give a shit. Sophie tells the guys that they felt like they were ignoring her and Greg replies with "ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT ARE HER TITS!" It must really say something when these guys get sick of a woman talking about her tits. "She was like 'Hello *burp* oh that was a good burp! Oh no, my tits are hanging out!'" Gary says, doing the best impression of Holly in human existence
Charlotte is still feeling bad, but Vicky cuts her down "You can't romantisize her now that she's gone. You can't say 'She was nice, she didn't do anything wrong' since that's bullshit and we all know it is" The girls ask "Do you think she'll come back for her stuff?" and then they start picking through her stuff saying they like this piece of clothing and what have you. Cool 180 kickflip, ladies!
We go from boring Holly drama to slightly less boring Jay and Vicky drama! They aren't talking and everyone is feeling the tension. Vicky takes her stuff and moves in with Charlotte and Sophie, reaping the benfits of Holly fucking off. See, everyone wins! Greg corners Vicky and tries to sort something out to relieve the tension. "I'll talk to him about the weather, I'll talk to him about politics (I'd love to hear that conversation) I'll craic on with him about our nights out. But I'm not going to have an emotional breakdown about what happened last night" Vicky insists. Alright thats fine BUT CAN WE JUST MOVE ON NOW!? "Who the fuck does Cilla Black think he is, coming up to me and giving me advice? Dr Greg!? I don't think so, Tricia!" she later says. Stop picking on Greg just because you're stubborn. He just wants them to clean the air and she doesn't seem to thrilled, but says she'll do it soon. More pointless drama for me then. Lovely
"He might be Susie Sensitive but I'm not like that whatsoever" Vicky says, not realising that her over reactions are half of the problem. They talk for a bit, without shouting, and agree to be civil for the sake of the house. I'm betting this lasts until they go out tonight and they start arguing again. Greg and James go out together, with James wanting to prove that he can pull birds and isn't all talk. Greg points out he's only shaged one bird since they got into the house, so James has it all to prove. They forget the football is on, so the place they go to is full of dudes. I'm sure James planned this all along. As they go to leave, Greg stops and chats up one of the bar maids. She has a boyfriend, and James laughs at him as he crashes and burns
Back in the house, Gary is getting ready to call the barmaid whose number he got last night. He's known her for 7 years apparently, and now has finally got her number. As the girls leave, Vicky and Sophie start saying "Charlotte why are you crying!?" "Are you angry Charlotte!?" loudly so Gary can hear for the sole reason of winding her up. I approve. "I don't call women" Gary explains "When it comes to face to face dates, I've done maybe five in my life" But he's doing it for this bar maid. Bless his little cotton socks! He gets a date for tomorrow night, and he admits he was nervous when he was on the phone
The next bar James and Greg go to is somehow even worse for pulling than the first one. "Don't worry Greg, I don't think you'll get rejected in here!" James says mockingly. Back in the house, the girls decide to go on a treble date. Jesus, imagine what sitcoms could do with an idea like that? They call their boss to try and set them up with some people she knows (apparently their boss runs a company called Butlers in Buff? Whatever) "There's nothing like a woman scorned, she's just showing how bitter she is about it" Jay points out. "The women she (their boss knows) will apparently make the lads in the house look like fat middle aged troglodytes" Vicky says smugly. I actually had to look up the word troglodyte to make sure I spelled it correctly. All other typos are due to laziness, however (I did spell it right FYI) The girls then pull this shit to celebrate. Go Team Venture!
Back with the two losers out on the town, and will third time be the charm? The funniest answer would be no, of course, and the show does not dissapoint. "There was a girl there, she looked........decent from the side, we were quite far away though" Greg says. Yes, there was a huge pause in the middle. "She was there with her Mum" Greg says after talking to her for a moment "James! Take one for the team!" To be fair, he goes for it. "She was Scottish, we couldn't understand a word they were saying...Let's go to the bar!" Greg says. This is the first genuinly funny thing that has happened on this show. They go to a shitty fast food place and call it a night. Sweet dreams you princes of men
Vicky and Sophie go off to work in the morning, leaving Charlotte to prove she clearly isn't in love with Gary. They just talk though, and they both take Jay's side in his argument with Vicky. At work, their boss gives Vicky and Sophie a giant green costume and tell them to hand out leaflets. "I thought since it was for some soliciters, I thought it would be something where I end up keeping my dignity" Vicky moans. Dignity is overrated anyways. "Our job today was walk around Sunderland City Center looking like twats" Sophie moans. Sophie ends up asking people on the street "Have you lost the will to live? Take one of these" but later realises it wasn't that funny and was quite rude. Of course, Vicky has to tell her that you can't ask pensioners if they have lost their will to live first. Sophie's response is "Why?" Fuck me
All the guys go to the gym, and Greg joins in more this time. Jay uses this time to slag off the girls. "Imagine waiting for a blind date and they walk in. You'd have to be blind, wouldn't you?" James says. Meanwhile, the girls go off on their blind date. "I've never been on a blind date before"Charlotte says nervously and asks Vicky if she has. "Fuck no, I'm good looking" is her response. Jesus. They get there, the guys are apparently alright (I can't take a screenshot of them because the camera is not on them the entire time they are with the girls) but Sophie complains because the guy she gets stuck with sounds like her dad, Italian accent and all. Charlotte isn't too impressed with hers either, although Vicky seems quite taken with the one she has
We go back to Gary, who meets his barmaid and goes on an actual date with her. She takes the forefront of the conversation, and it doesn't really paint a good picture of Gary. They go to have a few drinks and some kisses, so I guess it works out well for him. The girls take the guys from their blind date and meet Jay James and Greg in a club for a night out, and Jay isn't impressed with them "All three of them are total flops!" he exclaims, but he is friendly with them, as he is with just about everyone to their face. I know a guy like Jay as well. Greg informs Vicky what he thinks of the blind dates, and she acts defensive. Gary turns up with his girl, so now the whole gang is back together. Meanwhile, I like to imagine Holly has got lost in a Tesco Extra and is never heard from again
Charlotte is in no way jealous of Gary's date "He goes on about worldies and what have you, but he walks in with an inbetweener!" I've never watched The Inbetweeners, so someone will have to tell me if that is a compliment or not. "Her hair is auburn, not like orange but like an orangotan auburn!" she exclaims, and even I can pick up the connotations there. Jay finds a girl he met last week sometime (honestly don't remember) and he clings onto her. Sophie is unhappy that everyone has split off, with the guys going after other girls and the girls going after other guys. "It shouldn't be like that, we should be all together having a laugh" she complains. I guess the Year of the Slut is still off
While Gary puts his date in a taxi and says he'll call her later (What a gay!) Charlotte is kissing her blind date. "I must have been really drunk since I only saw him as a friend" she later says, destroying the friend zone barrier forever in the process. Finally... ALSO THANKS YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD UPLOADER, THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME YOU'VE DONE THIS NOW! Charlotte and Sophie are saying how much they just want to hang out with the Geordie Shore guys again, but Vicky tells them the guys don't even like them and can't understand why the girls want to hang with them so much. "I like them, but do you think they give us a second thought when they are pulling?" she asks. This isn't jealousy with Jay FYI although I have no idea how
Everyone goes back home and Charlotte cooks sausages. While she does this she sings "Sizzle, sausages, sizzllllllle" and it repeats. "Charlotte that is the worst song I've ever heard" Vicky says grumpily. Jay takes his girl back to his room, which he shares with nobody now, and Vicky drags her guy to the guest room. Charlotte and Sophie are hanging out with the guys and ask them if they really don't like them, like Vicky says. Greg in particular is put out by this revelation, and when he tells James and Gary later on they aren't too pleased. They call her two faced, and probably rightfully so. Back in Jay's room, hes in bed with the girl but can't stop talking about Vicky. "What a nightmare!" he says later
FIVE TIMES YOU FUCKING PRICK!
The next morning, the girls get a tanning tent and women to help their tans. "I love the fake look!" says Sophie. Urgh. Sadly, this picture is real and later I saw everything. It wasn't great. "I had a bit of a nap, came downstairs and there's Sophie standing naked getting a tan. I didn't know where to look!" Greg says. Sophie catches him looking at her and asks if he is a boob man and or a bum man. "I was a boob man" is his reply. "Until?"Sophie asks. Jay starts laughing and tells him to eat his breakfast
That night everyone goes out. Yes, it does go from morning to night with literally nothing happening in between for the first time. If their day was so boring that even the MTV editors cut it out you really need to wonder at how bad it is. Vicky somehow finds out that people were talking about her behind her back (hey, maybe this could be an interesting thing to do MTV - show us how Vicky found this out) and starts by screaming at Sophie and Charlotte in the club. "The girls were shouting at each other and I thought 'let them sort it out'" James says, the smartest move he's ever done
Greg tries to calm Vicky down, which doesn't go well, and so Sophie tries to do it. Vicky is mad because everyone talks about her behind her back, but everyone talks about her behind her back because she does it to them. All the bitching she's done about everyone else is coming back around to bite her, and so she's getting angry and playing the victim. "Sometimes I think 'What are you doing? Why are you being like this?'" Charlotte says, proving she is aware of everyone elses problems but her own
Back at the house, Charlotte is talking to Gary and James about it, trying to understand why Vicky is doing it, but doesn't realise Vicky has come down the stairs. Vicky then goes back upstairs in a huff. "What the fuck is going on in this house!?" Jay shouts out like he's been possessed by my ghost "It's fucking shit!" Jay then goes to the guest room, where Vicky is hiding out, and he tries his best to sort things out with her
During the night, everyone is asleep. Apart from Gary and Charlotte, of course! If you can't tell, sex happens. The show ends with Vicky going into Jay's room and getting into bed with him. Sex is maybe implied, I don't know. I can probably tell you tomorrow if you reomtely give a shit
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