Alright, this is a day late because I couldn't find a torrent for it and also because I refused to sit in front of a 42 inch HDTV watching Geordie Shore. It would be like wiping my arse after an incredibly watery shit with the MonaLisa. You just do not do that sort of thing. Not to mention how awkward it is to rewind Sky + and also any screenshots would be from my phone, which doesn't actually work because my phone is an idiot
Talking of idiots, I hope you missed these ones in the 2 or 3 weeks since episode 6 aired on TV or a day in which I didn't post anything. I know some people have actually followed through and watched the entire series after my Geordie Shore round ups, and if you ignore me and everyone on Geordie Shore then they are the biggest idots of them all
"We're going to Magaluf!" Sophie exclaims at the start "I'm gonna shag a scruff!" she then continue, not really getting rap. Yes, all 8 of them are going to Magaluf for a period of time because ????? and then I watch it. I bet the twist at the end of this is that I have been in purgatory this entire time. "It's a new me!" Holly says. She is a ginger now. I didn't think I could hate her any more then I already did, but WELP! "When you split up with someone you always get new hair, don't you?" I wouldn't know, women can sense my worthlessness from a 3 mile radius
Everyone then agrees that this is really not going to go well since everyone was sick of each other by the end of the series. Charlotte and Gary aren't happy with each other, Jay and Vicky don't like each other, nobody likes Holly. It's almost as if MTV saw the last episode, decided that since everyone hated each other it was the best one and gave them a reason to fight some more. "There's no more birds in Newcastle, we've done them all" says Gary, maybe forgetting theres a lot of fat women in Newcastle "So where else better to go to then Magaluf?" Anywhere without you, for a start
Also, I just want to point out that the show has went on for less than two minutes and I've already seen Holly get her tits out. This is going to be my struggle
"Lads go on holiday to pull women and get proper (really) mortal (drunk)" James says. That is really the only thing James does anyways. It's the same shit at a different place, which should give you the idea of what is ahead (needless arguments that never fucking end) "My main regret is getting involved with Vicky" Jay says. Let's not even start with my regrets, we'll be here for a while. You may notice that someone is missing from the car - Gary. "I bet he'll come out with Charlotte" James says, and everyone laughs
It's a lot less funny when that is literally what happens in the very next scene. Gary is terrified because Charlotte is a bad driver and they are already acting like a married couple and motherfucker this is going to be exactly the same shit. We cut back to Vicky's house and she is apprehensive about things "I could easily go to Magaluf, chill out, get a good tan - but I'll have to do it with those bunch of bellends, won't I?" she explains. "I realy love some of them in the house, but I fucking hate some others" she continues like she is the only person in the world to not like some people. Fuck off, lady
Sophie is then driving through Magaluf shouting "GEORDIE SHORE!" to people on the streets. She does this because she is fucking stupid. "If I'm going to be sick on myself or in a toilet, what better place to do it then Magaluf?" she asks. She asks this because she is fucking stupid. "It'sall about snogging blokes, grinding dirty, in my bikini" Holly says, and I won't even get into how stupid this girl is. "I left twice, and I wont leave a third time. If I do, it'll be forever" Holly then says, getting my hopes up that she will leave forever. Why is she even here now she knows everyone hates her? ARGH I HATE YOU
"It is fucking mint (good) and I've never seen anything like it in my life!" Holly exclaims when she gets there first. It's a fucking house, I know you live in Middlesnborough but I'm sure they have houses there. "I'm going to dance on chairs, do what I want, even roll around in my own sick. I'm going to have the best time of my life" Holly then says, having some fucking weird fetishes
Sophie is there next and they both have a look around. Allthey find in the fridge though is a loaf of bread. "Get that fucking bread out of there and get the alcohol in!" Sophie says demandingly. Hey, bread won food of the year for five years in a row, don't disrespect bread like that! Jay James and Greg turn up next. Jay shows remorse for being mean to Holly, James isn't impressed with her new hair, Greg says she looks like a stripper. At least the things you like don't change either
Charlotte and Gary turn up next and Charlotte is amazed with Holly. "She's like a new person, like a red haired......tomato! Like a big cherry tomato in my face and it looks really good" Charlotte says excitedly. Get a crown sweetheart because you are the queen of compliments. The doorbell rings again and everyone goes to let Vicky in. "I was like 'Wow, Vicky's changed!'" Holly says, managing that line without any sort of comedic worth. Yes, it's not Vicky but some dude who owns the house they are staying in. Basically, he's the new boss. He lays down some rules - keep it tidy, which clearly will be ignored, and the other is someone must be in the house at all times. "How fucking rude! Is he mad!?" Jay complains. Everyone decides to ignore him and go out tonight anyways. They do this because they are fucking stupid
Back in Newcastle, and Vicky is packing. I thought Vicky in Newcastle was to show her apprehension for going in a flashback kind of way, but no. Everyone else is literally in Magaluf and she is in Newcastle whining about whether she wants to go or not. She does go in the end, making the whole thing pointless. How I missed thee, Geordie Shore. Back in Magaluf,everyone ignores the boss and goes out that night. Vicky hasn't turned up yet FYI. Just want to point out that Gary looks like a right twat with that vest on. Also want to point out that Holly is the reason I gave up on claymation, looking like the title character from Wallace and Gromit and the Snaggletooth Moonface
They all go into a club and the MC shouts "THE GEORDIES ARE HERE!" and everyone cheers. It's like Magaluf is bizzaro world, especially as how most of the clubs in Newcastle refused to let the people from Geordie Shore into their clubs. They all get up onto the bar like it's Coyote Ugly. They then have to do positions from the Kama Sutra because ???? Anyways, Holly gets paired up with James which he isn't happy about. "Honestly, I had about 5 nights in a row where I dreamt of having sex with James" Holly admits. Even when she broke up with her boyfriend she is clowning him
Meanwhile, Vicky finally gets there and the place is empty. That means one of them did stay behind and their boss has to be happy! Everybody wins! Vicky realises that thdere are only 3 beds in the girls room and she has no idea where her bed is. Whoa oh! I smell Vicky kicking off and arguing with people instead of trying to sort things out in a calm and mature manner!
Meanwhile, Gary is going Kama Sutra positions with some girl and Charlotte looks miserable. "It doesn't bother me at all" she says, before complaining that the girl isn't even nice looking. Charlotte being in denial and not being honest with herself about Gary covers the category of nothing fucking changes ever. Gary starts talking to the girl about going back to th house with him, and the girls go into the toilet and Charlotte says she feels so sorry for her. Fucking seriously!?
The guys get asked to be judges in a wet t shirt contest, which I can't take pictures of because there are no t shirts in this contest. Holly gets up onstage and dances with a girl and the guys are impressed that she actually came out of her shell. It ends with Holly and the girl kissing, and then Holly gets her tits out. "I feel like a part of the family again!" she says excitedly. Congrats, you only had to kiss a girl and get your tits out to be accepted by a bunch of idiots. I'm so happy for you!
Back in the house, Vicky takes "the shag pad" because there are no other beds. "I don't give a fuck" she snaps to herself "It's my bed now, and there's going to be no shagging here!"
"It's Magaluf, but everyone calls it Shagaluf. It's called Shagaluf or a reason" Jay says. Actually, it isn't called Shagaluf for a reason, and that reason is it's called Magaluf, you fucking moron. Gary gets with another blonde, Charlotte is not happy about it but still tells everyone she doesn't care. I bet you could lock them all up in a Russian gulag for the next Geordie Shore special and Charlotte would still be jealous when Gary gets raped in the shower by someone named Vlad
Everyone goes back to the house, Gary with his blonde girl and Jay goes back with two sisters. Jesus. Gary disappears with his girl and you get a little montage of them in bed with the sheets covering them. Cool. Jay realises he can't get himself and the two sisters onto his bed, so he takes them to the shag pad where Vicky is asleep, but not for long. Jay begs Vicky for the room, and she does give it to him with little argument. She then whines about whether she made the right decision to come out. "Oh I think I made the wrong choice in going on this free holiday to Magaluf!"
Next morning, Gary sends his girl off in a taxi and brags about his "3 hour session" with her. "I've had them before, it's boring as fuck" Charlotte says dissmissively. Not at all jealous. No. Everyone but Sophie goes to the beach, and Vicky starts arguing with James. Gentle James, who has never hurt a soul. Back at the house, the boss turns up again and tells them off for not leaving anyone to stay in the house when they went out last night. He then tells them two people have to stay in, so Greg and Gary bite the bullet and stay in
So when everyone goes out, Holly obviously starts getting it on with anything with a pulse, Jay starts hitting on a blonde and Sophie is upset at the lack of talent "Fuck slut of the year, I'm the virgin of the week" she complains. By the end of this she will be watching anime. Vicky and James make up from their argument before and everything is alright again! Hurray!
The next day, everyone goes to the beach (again) and Sophie decides virgin of the week isn't for her, so she and Vicky go get some dudes numbers. They girls decide to tell the guys they'll stay in that night, but secretely go out with these guys they just met and get back without the guys noticing. They fall for it completely, because they are self centered idiots
Greg and James are a bit worried they haven't pulled yet, so Gary turns his charm up as their wingmen. Meanwhile, the girls go out with the dudes they met before "I'm really liking the craic, like" Sophie says "They aren't going on about banging lasses all the time" Charlotte points out. Sophie then gets her tits out for some unknown reason. I don't even know
The guys decide to go to a strip club. There doesn't seem to be a no touching rule over there, so things escalate pretty quickly. They get strippers numbers and then move on. The girls are still with the guys they found, and Charlotte and Vicky seem to be competing for the same guy. Needless drama? Say it ain't so! The guys get home without women "They're still working" Jay says. They brought food for the girls, but they aren't home. The guys aren't happy, especially Greg who took one for the team but the girls couldn't be bothered to do that
The girls come in at this point. They're drunk and brought a bunch of lads with them. The guys are furious about this. They want to go to bed, but the girls won't be quiet so an argument starts. Gary calls Charlotte ugly and she bursts into tears. "I wouldn't mind it from anyone else but from Gary it really hurts" Jesus lady, you are totally not in love with him. That's all that happens, but we have a part 2 coming next week! Best line from the preview is Vicky's "Gary and Charlotte are like Romeo and Juliet...if Romeo was a fucking twat"
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